The Reason
by Tesla.Cannon
Summary: Butch found a reason to change who he used to be. It was the reason he wanted to start over new, out in the wastes. That reason was because of her. Eventual Butch/FLW
1. Chapter 1

Fallout 3 belongs to its' creators. Not me.

So, I decided to try my luck at portraying Butch. I have to admit, I enjoy writing from his perspective. I tried to keep everything simple, because he doesn't appear to be that into thinking about what he's saying or sounding too intelligent. I kept it real and tried to throw his accent in there. I like his _simple_ thinking. Quite a change from what I'm used to. Anyway, I wanted to develop how exactly Butch makes it out in the Wastes on his own for a while, at least until he meets The Lone Wanderer. Which I have named Lillian because I simply adore that name. I'm not sure if I want the two to meet up in Rivet City or somewhere else. I guess I'll try to play around with that for a while before it's set in stone. So I guess I'm not really going along the original story line but I won't stray from it too far. As of now, this is the first chapter and I tried to make it as long as possible. I plan to write more on this story and hope that I did a decent job for my first time walking in Butch DeLoria's shoes :) If I didn't, well I gave it my damned best shot. Any who, lots of cursing and boozing and Butch-ness. Grammatical errors are plentiful because I was trying to be like Butch and not care about my grammar. 'Named it after Hoobastanks: The Reason because... well, you'l find out later I guess. I rated it M for later chapters. Comments and criticism are welcomed and appreciated.3.

*Edited 5.24.10

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You'd think a Tunnel Snake 'd be able to handle something simple like walking out of a vault. Man, that shit wasn't as simple as I had expected it to be. Now, I ain't never expected much from the outside, on account of we never really heard much about it in our sheltered little lives. But being out here in this dirty wasteland was nothin' like what I had been preparing for…

So, a few weeks ago I made a few dents in the air filtration system to ease my way out into the outside, y'know with one of the old baseball bats I found lyin' around. It was real simple to destroy the whole thing. Just a few smacks around it, and some around the computer thing controlling it. I was even gonna' go as far as taking my toothpick and taking a few of the bolts out, but after I gave the filtration system a good smack in the side that little bitch was screaming like my mother when she's outta' liquor. I guess it wasn't a real smart idea on my part, but I've never been much of a thinker, and instant gratification was everything to me.

The vault evacuated, which pissed Amata off to no end. Stupid little daddy's girl must've still been tickled about _her_ coming back and makin' everything worse then before she left. So she kicked some ass? So she completely destroyed the other Overseer? Man was destined to die soon, and I'm thinking that if she hadn't come when she did Butch'd have to get down there and get him while he was sleeping or somethin'.

I had to hand it to her though, after all those years of torturing the kid I guess she really did come through for us. Never would've expected it from her though… always following Amata around like they were attached at the hip. I watched though as she got older, Amata started to become just like her father, and _she _wasn't having _any_ of that. It pissed her off something fierce. I guess that's why she killed Amata's father the first time she left, but again, I wasn't about to complain. I had enough of that man's shit to last me a lifetime and I wasn't about to get all teary-eyed for some asshole that loved to have everything in perfect order. Tunnel Snakes don't _roll_ that way.

When the vault doors finally screeched open, the smoke from the filtration system started to haul ass towards the outside. Now, I had never been outside before in my entire life, but I had always dreamed of getting' out of the vault and living my life the way I wanted. I could feel something in the pit of my stomach wind up when I stared down that long tunnel. It must've been adrenaline or something, but whatever it was I liked it. The smoke burned my nose on it's way in, but after a few seconds of running towards the Vault exit the air got a little cleaner the closer I got to it. Freedom from this can of shit was only a few steps away.

Well, most of us were running actually, so it only took me a few steps to get exactly what I wanted. In fact, it was probably less than a few steps. Instant gratification made all of this _so_ worth it.

The few of us that ran out first were already on the ground and tearin' from the bright light of the outside. I never thought anything could actually burn your eyes out, but damn this was close. I had my fists balled up in there for a good few minutes. Then I heard Amata's snotty voice yell between the screams and heaves of everyone that was left. Leave it to her to ruin the moment. My moment of freedom.

"We should stick together." She started, but I was NOT about to follow her to the ends of the earth, no sir. She might've been a smart ass since day one but I knew that she was just like her father and always had somethin' stuck up her ass. No way in hell was I stayin' around to "stick together". Besides, it wasn't like I had much to stay for. Almost everyone was dead already…

"I ain't stickin' around here. You're on your own Amata." I said while I started fixing myself up and gathering what I had packed up the night before all of my destruction. I had some meager supplies, but I wasn't too concerned about that. My father's pistol was strapped to my waist, and I was thankful that at least my Ma had done something right by savin' it. I popped the collar on my Tunnel Snakes jacket and took one last look at all the faces I'd be leaving behind forever.

Most of them would probably be dead by tomorrow, but hell, it wasn't like I was about to do anything.

The Butch-man wasn't a heroic person. All I cared about now was getting myself far away from this fuckin' place.

At least I listened real good when I was little. Back when my Pa was alive. His adventure stories about him out in the wastes were always my favorite bedtime stories. At least I'd have those to help me out here. After he died, and Ma went completely insane, I put them to the back of my mind for a while. Since, y'know, I had bigger problems to face. Dealing with an alcoholic mother wasn't easy, but I got through it with just a few bruises and glass wounds. Nothin' a Tunnel Snake can't handle. Shame the old man had to pass though. I bet if he were still alive things would've been different. I guess everything just toughened me up for the outside world. All Pa's stories were coming back now and as I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder I flipped the rest of them the bird and made my way to the only town I knew out here. Megaton. I knew it had to be legit 'cause I remembered _her_ sayin' something about it when she stopped by for her little "chat" with the big man himself.

Huh, I guess she really wasn't a little snot nosed brat anymore. But then again, she was just too easy to pick on. Ehhh, I wasn't gonna' sit around and think about all the shit I'd done to her in the past. Maybe she'd forget about it like me and move on. Well, I hoped at least. I guess I'd cross that bridge whenever I got to it.

Amata was screaming at me to turn around, but I drowned her out much like I did for Brotch's lectures. In one ear, and out the other while I was stepping to the rhythm of my heartbeat. I didn't care if they followed me, I'll be damned if they did. I'd bet anyone ten bucks that Amata had them already lined up like ducks and was takin' control of them already. Just like her asshole father. She never cared about me. I was a nobody in her eyes anyway. Just some bully that picked on her every which way. She deserved it though; someone had to bring her down a notch. Always thinking she was high and mighty- my _ass_.

That bitch wouldn't be able to deal with all the things that I'd dealt with. I was certain of that.

It had been at least a half hour since I left the vault, and I was startin' to get all itchy under my jumpsuit. What the hell was goin' on out here? The sun was already blazing on my back and I started sweating bullets by the time I made it to a road. Damn this place, maybe I should turn back-

**Nope.**

That's exactly what she'd want. I'd bet she'd have a stupid little "I told you so" face on too if she caught me wandering my way back there. Stupid Amata. Stupid vault. Stupid _everything_!

I guess there was no turning back now, and that was all right with me. I had never really been one to look behind me much anyway,since there was never anything to look back to. What doesn't kill ya, y'know?

Now like I said, I had never really been the thinkin' type, cause I was already destined to be a barber. So why bother pushing my luck? But, in my mind I was already weighing out my options. I guess my smartest choice would be to go to this "Megaton" place and see what was up. If she was there, I'd… well, I'd get to that when I got to it, I guess. My second option wasn't really all that appealing. I definitely wasn't gonna to go and wander around now that I knew just how awful it was out here. Plus, I didn't have enough supplies for that. But still, even if it wasn't as nice as I had thought it would be out here, it was ten times better than being a little duck for Amata. At least I had that goin' for me. I was out on my own, doing whatever I felt like and taking as long as I wanted. No one was gonna tell me what to do ever again!

I kicked some dirt up with my boot as I started on the broken road. It was dusty and there were chunks missing out of some places but it still lead the way to the only thing I had to look forward to. There weren't many trees out here like I'd thought there would be. Actually there wasn't much of anything really. It was just bare, with a few black shrubs or rocks and bright as anything- like if you stared into one of the vault's light bulbs for too long. I didn't like it, so I'd definitely have to find me some shades. It was a little too hot for my liking, but every once in a while the wind would pick up and blow some not so muggy air in my direction. But along with that you also got a lot of dust and sand on ya, so I guess it wasn't all that great neither.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I muttered to no one in particular while I wiped my face on my jacket sleeve. Stupid sand had blown right into my face and I could already taste it on my tongue. It had a weird tang to it though. Like that time I stuck my tongue on one of the batteries in Stanley's utility closet after Wally double dared me to. It didn't taste right, but I guess you weren't really supposed to taste sand.

I hacked a spitball at one of the rusted signs to try and rid my mouth of the weird taste. I'd just have to get used to it, along with the eerie silence around me. I bet if I screamed at the top of my lungs, no one'd be able to hear me. There was a sort of comfort in that for me though, since no one was up my ass now. It was all right.

I spotted a bunch of run down houses, or at least that's what I thought they were at one point and time. All that was left now were some broken down boards and rubble. It must've been a small town or somethin' and as much as I didn't want to admit it, it was kinda neat. I ain't never seen anything like this before- I mean actual wood houses? All I was used to were cold steel walls…

I heard a voice in the distance and I immediately got all paranoid and shit. Leave it to me to lose my cool already. I ducked behind some woodpiles of the house I was looting and already had my hand at my pistol. Whatever happens, just don't ask questions and shoot right? That's the way it was out here. So I took in a real deep breath and peeked over my hiding spot.

The voice sounded like it was coming closer so I took that opportunity to take the safety off my pistol. I had no idea how good of a shot I was, considering I hadn't really practiced much. That didn't matter now though, I was gonna get whatever it was no matter what. I crouched down to get a better look at things, and I'll be damned, it was a flying fucking helmet or something. I must've jumped five feet out of my freakin' boots but I closed my eyes real tight to pull myself together. No use freakin' out over a dumb floating… helmet monster… thing.

I tried to crawl my way out of the house and into the back yard, or what was left of it. The stitching of my pant leg got caught on a loose wooden stake and I cursed under my breath. "Fuck these stupid piece of shit jumpsuits." I made a mental note to get some new threads before I decided to go exploring again.

There was a rock formation ahead of me, so I gripped it up and pulled myself up on top of it, tryna' get a better view or somethin'. Survival instincts must be kicking in.

That damned floating thing was heading in the other direction, babbling on about some America thing, so I took this opportunity to keep climbing up the rubble in hopes of getting somewhere safe. I kept climbing up 'till I eventually got to a flatter surface. I saw a big, brown metal sign in the distance and squinted real hard to read it. Someone painted Megaton on it really badly in yellow paint, but there was an arrow pointing straight ahead so I followed that sucker like my life depended on it. Actually, my life kinda' did at the moment.

I was only walking for about fifteen minutes when my eyes picked up a giant metal thing in the distance. It was like a giant pimple, sticking out of the damn earth out of nowhere. How the hell did they even get that there anyway? Sheesh. There was another hunk of junk at the front, rambling in some fake cowboy accent. I could've sworn I heard 'em say Megaton a few times, so I took that as a sign and stepped right into that huge metal bastard.

It was a little bit cooler in here, I guess 'cause they were somewhat shielded from the sun. It felt kinda nice not to have the damn sun beating on my back now. I strolled right down some crude ass metal steps and someone tapped me on the shoulder. Real tall guy, with a sheriff hat on, and he didn't look too pleased. Fuck my life. Maybe I wasn't in Megaton after all…

"You another new comer, huh?" He asked me and I was watchin' as his crusty brown eyes inspected me. He probably didn't trust me.

"Yeah, what's it to ya?" I muttered, stuffing my hands in my pockets and fingering my knife. If this sucker wanted to dance I'd try my best to fight him off, though I knew there wasn't a snowflakes chance in hell for me. Especially after I eyed that piece he was carrying on his back. Manners should probably be appropriate now, considering I wasn't ready to get the blunt end of that gun _just_ yet.

"What's it to me? I'm Lucas Simms, the sheriff around these parts, and you'll do yourself a favor by keeping that smart mouth of yours shut."

Ugh, another authority figure with a stick up their ass. Was the world just full of these people? Still, I nodded my head and apologized to the guy, I had to hand it to him at least. Patrolling a city this big deserves mad props. We started small talkin' after I apologized. I turned my manners up a notch and got him to point me in the direction of the local bar. At least that was some place to start lookin'.

"Thanks Simms." I said, waving my hand a little as I started walking in the direction he pointed me. He nodded at me and tipped his hat.

"You just stay out of trouble now. I don't wanna waste bullets on your sorry hide." He stated and I shrank back a little. Gulping, I looked once again at what he was carrying and sighed. Definitely didn't want to become Swiss cheese anytime soon. So I nodded again and faked a smile,

"Roger that."

I took off for that bar faster than you can say Vault 101. My body was aching to get a drink in after what I'd been through to get here. All right, I'll admit it wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be, but it still wasn't too great neither. I was climbing up a metal hill and saw a sign a few steps away- "Moriarty's Saloon" it read in ugly white lettering. Jeez. You'd think people would be more creative out here. If that were my saloon, I'd have something classy. Like… Like.. Snake Pit. Or something cool like that, y'know? But whatever, I guess people weren't as creative as me.

I opened up the thick metal door. It took some effort, but eventually I used some upper body strength and was able to squeeze my way in. It was a little bit cooler in here, and I could already smell the booze and cigarette smoke. It all assaulted my nose at once, but I didn't really mind. Booze was like home to me, on account of my mother always having it on her breath.

I took up a stool by the bar and let my head droop down. The radio was blastin' in my ear and I was about to reach over and turn it down when I gotta glimpse of this guy in the back.

_FUCK_.

He looked real messed up. Like someone skinned him and then ate his skin, and then threw it back up and put it back on him. Maybe he got into a big fire fight or somethin' out here. The only way I could think of that would make someone's skin look like that was fire. Fuck, did that guy get burnt and live? Man, he was a trooper. Still, I felt kinda sorry for him, since he didn't seem to have much hair either. I don't know what I'd do if I looked like that. Plus, whatever had happened to him must've hurt like a fucking bitch.

He saw me eyeing him and quickly put his head down. Made me feel bad for starin' at him. He probably thought I was some creeper or something. Ugh, this was all new to me. Did everyone look like that out here or something? Was there fire everywhere? I started to get nervous. Ain't no way in hell I'd be fucking with fire. I wasn't about to look like that guy any time soon. Looking around I couldn't see anyone that had what he had goin' on with his skin. So I guess something bad must've happened to him to make him that way.

Damn. That sucks.

He walked over to me slowly, his head down. "You need somethin' smoothskin?"

"Smoothskin?" I asked him. My eyes crumpled together. Now, that was a name I had never heard before. I mean, I'd heard a lot of names being shout my way but this one was just weird. Maybe it's an insult or somethin'. But, I don't really think having smooth skin is an insult. Unless he's calling me a sissy or something. I wouldn't like him insulting my manliness.

His eyes met mine briefly, and then once again they were pointed at the floor. "You know. You've got smooth skin. Unlike me."

Oh, well that made sense. He was just comparing me to him then. So that was okay, though it made me feel a little more bad for the guy. I nodded my head and asked him for something strong. I needed some whiskey or _something_ to burn down my throat. Needed somethin' to wake me up. After all I had a journey to go on. Had to find her.

"Thanks." I said as he handed me a shot of whiskey. Kicking my head back, I downed that sucker like it was nothing. He eyed me up.

"That jumpsuit. Where'd you get that at?" He asked me. His eyes started to form a thin line. I couldn't really tell if he was pissed off or not though because most of his face was chewed off.

"From my Vault. Vault 101. Y'know. It's like a few minutes right up the way." I answered him truthfully. Side's it wasn't like I was protecting anyone back there. I wouldn't care if someone hurt Amata, or any of them really. They were nothing to me now. All forgotten faces in a memory of dark tunnels. But then again, this guy didn't really look like the fighting type. Especially since he kept his head down way too much.

I watched his expression change. His eyes widened a lot and he put both his hands on the bar. "You mean the same one Lillian came out of? She had a suit on just like that the first time she walked in here." He asked.

Aahh, so someone did know about her. That was good to know I guess. At least she's keepin' herself known. I nodded my head and took another shot of the whiskey that he poured me. I'd have to stop soon cause I didn't really have anything to pay by.

"Y'know her?" I asked him, hoping he at least knew where she was so I could find her. Maybe her and I could start a gang together or something. Or she could at least teach me the ropes around here since she seemed to be gettin' along just fine and dandy out here on her own.

The skinned man nodded his head and started to pour me another shot, but I shook my hands at him.

"Nah man, I don't have that much on me. How much am I at now?" I asked him as I fingered my coat pocket on the inside of my Tunnel Snakes jacket.

"Ten caps."

"Caps? What the hells a caps? All I got are these bills."

Now I felt pretty stupid. I figured it was a good idea to take some loot with me before I left, but I had no freakin' idea that they wouldn't be using pre war money. Didn't everyone have them lying around somewhere? Wasn't that real money, or was that another lie I was taught to obey. Probably a lie.

"Just give me two of those." He told me as he pointed to the wad of money in my hands. I handed him the two dollars and was semi-satisfied. After all he said ten of those cap things, and I only gave him two bills. That's gotta be good. I mean I was no math magician or whatever, but two was less than ten and that satisfied me. I still had a few of them left so I tucked 'em back into my coat pocket.

"Say, what's your name anyway?" I asked him as he put the bills in the register. He looked over at me and shook his head.

"Gob."

"Gob? That's a weird name. Where'd you get a name like that?" That was a weird name. I never heard of anyone naming their kid Gob. I gobbled up food. I gobbled down drinks. I wasn't about to name my kid Gobble. Or Gob. Or whatever.

"It's... never mind kid. Anyway, you hear from Lillian yet?" He stopped fidgeting with the cash register as he asked me this. I got a little suspicious on account of there was this gleam in his eye. The kind I got whenever I watched Susie Mack walk by, or really any girl for that matter. But, it wasn't like I was her boyfriend or nothin' so I just kept it to myself and shook my head 'no'.

"She came back into the Vault about a week or so ago. Messed stuff up real bad, but it's all good. I haven't seen her since Amata, _the bitch_, kicked her out for good." I shook my head in distaste. Amata really shouldn't have done that at all. After all, she did save us. Even if she was the cause of some of it. She still had the balls to come back after she heard Amata's bitchin' and complaining. Maybe Lilly should've just ignored it. I would've.

Gob's eyes got sad. He looked down and sighed. "She was really upset after that whole thing. Came in here and told me the whole story. I don't think I had ever really heard her cry before that- well I mean I did after she lost her dad. But she always hid that from me. That kids usually tough when she gets back from where ever she goes to. I guessed that whatever happened up there must've been really bad to make her come back like that."

Wait a second- Lil's dad was gone? Aw, man if I had known that I wouldn't have acted like such an asshole and brought it up when she came back into the Vault. Well fuck. This was all gettin' really confusing, fast. How come she tells all this stuff to Gob? Why didn't she tell any of us…

I didn't really need to ask myself that question, because I already knew the answer. Yeah, surprising I know. Me actually putting two and two together that fast. But, I guess I wouldn't have come back crying to the Vault. Since, y'know everyone blamed her dad for everything going wrong. Poor Lilly. Now I felt bad for her. I didn't normally feel bad for people either, cause y'know Tunnel Snakes aren't sissies like that.

"I didn't know her dad died. That blows. How long ago was she here last? Did she say where she was going?" I asked, eager now. I had inside info after all. Now it wouldn't be so hard to track her down myself.

Gob looked around quickly, then turned the radio up a notch and brought his head down closer to mine. Was it a secret or something?

"She's heading up to Underworld right now. Left a few days ago, but she should be back soon… I hope." He sighed and lurched backwards. Someone came out of a door on the side of the bar and Gob started to look real scared. I got scared too, cause I wasn't from around here and I thought something was going down. The guy who came out of the door stepped towards us and eyed Gob up with an evil look in his eyes. I decided I didn't really like this guy. He didn't look like someone you could trust. Like he just had that air about him that screamed _asshole_. Maybe it was from the way he was dressed or something, but as soon as he spoke I could tell he was a certified ass.

"What're ya doin' standing around 'ere ya filth? I asked ya one simple thing and ya can't even manage that? Idiot ya are Gob, I swear."

I didn't really like the way he was talking to this guy. I mean, I'm a complete stranger and all, but Gob didn't seem too bad. He was actually kinda nice once you got past his skin. To me, he didn't deserve to be talked at like that. It made me think of the Overseer. How he talked down to me all the time just cause I picked on his stupid daughter. Just cause I was a misfit in his stupid, perfect fuckin' world. Another reason for me to hate this bastard.

"Look, he was just telling me how much my shots cost. All right? He ain't doin' anything wrong." I spoke up, deciding for once in my life I should stick up for someone. Besides, Gob kinda reminded me of Paully. A little slow and quiet, but a Tunnel Snake nonetheless. I didn't like this guy creepin' up on my Paul of the wasteland. The guy glared at me from the corner of his eyes. His white eyebrows pulling together.

"Is that so?" He asked again, as if I didn't make it perfectly clear the first time. Did I need to spell it out for him or somethin'?

"Yeah, so lay off all right? He's just doin' his job."

The white eye browed man leered at me, but when he caught me lookin' back that leer turned into a crooked smile. "Me apologies then, my friend. I gotta business ter run here. I can't be havin' slackers now, can I?" He looked down at Gob with that evil look in his eyes again. Gob cowered and stared down at the floor.

"Yeah yeah, I hear ya." Nope. I didn't like this guy. I didn't have many manners to speak of, and I wasn't about to waste them on this joker. He stomped back into that doorway and shut it. Gob relaxed and sighed, taking a step away from the bar and nodding his head at me.

"Thanks smoothskin."

"It's Butch. I don't like that smooth shit. That sounds like a sissy name. You can call me Butch or Bad Ass. Your choice."

Gob smirked at me. Well it was a half smirk really since most of his cheek was torn up. He nodded his head and laughed a little and I was glad I at least made him not so scared like he was earlier. "Butch it is."

Maybe me and this Gob guy could be friends or something. He seemed pretty cool and not that bad of a guy. Besides, he reminded me of Paully, so that was high marks in my book. He knew where Lilly was too- something I didn't. It was nice to finally be on the inside of things. Maybe if I waited around here long enough I'd be able to catch up with her. If she made it back of course.

Hell, she'd make it back. She had better.

I let Gob return to whatever it was he was doin' before I got here and decided to just sit at the bar stool and think. Yeah, I know I don't think much but everything seemed to be going real fast now and I wasn't sure what to think of it all. What if, when she got back, she didn't wanna speak to me? I wouldn't blame her of course; I was a real rat bastard to her back when we were kids. I picked on her all the time and started fights with her and Amata. She was always a goofy little thing though. It was like she was too smart for Amata but stuck around her anyways. Cause, y'know sometimes I'd watch her secretly. Not like.. anything creepy like that, but just watched her when Amata wasn't around. She liked to read a lot of dumb books, and I caught her this one time. She was picking a lock on one of the unaccessible doors down the hall from my house. I didn't think she could actually do that. She was all small and tiny, and doing something like that wasn't very girly.

I kept my eyes on her though. Especially after I saw her get that BB gun for her tenth birthday. Man was I pissed. How come I didn't get anything special like that? Oh, yeah. That was because my mom was a drunken idiot and didn't give two shits about me. That, and my dad was long gone. Along with all of our cash and nice things.

Lilly always had a way with getting what she wanted from everyone too. Every time she talked to someone it was like she had this power over them- they usually agreed with anythin' she said and did whatever she wanted. I wish I had a power like that, cause damn that would've got me far. She was a real sneaky little kid, but I guess that was what set her apart from everyone else in that fucking place. She was actually interesting and not _the_ _same_ like everyone else. I mean, after growing up with her all that time she still wasn't the same, but she never stopped being different. And, I knew for a fact once I saw her in the Vault a week ago that she had changed even more so. There was something different about her, but I couldn't really put my finger on it.

I didn't really have any place to stay so Gob pointed me to where the common house was when things started to get real dark. I thanked him and went on my way, tryin' my best to follow his directions. There were a lot of weird people in this town. Especially that guy in the pond. He was preaching to some sort of bomb like he was in love with it. I don't know, maybe people just go crazy out here. Maybe people just go so crazy that they fall in love with bombs. I knew that I didn't want to go crazy though. Especially if it would land me knee deep in a skanky pond and kissing the sides of some pre-war junk. I tried my best to blend in with everyone else. They were all dirty and sun tanned. I wasn't. I knew I smelled fresh and looked as pale as the moon compared to these people. I didn't care though. One more thing to set me apart from the rest.

The common house was loud and hot. I could hear several people snoring near me. There was no way in hell I would be able to sleep with all that, so I made my way up the flights of stairs until I was all alone. There were some wire bed frames in the corner, so I pushed them over to the farthest wall possible and picked up the dirty mattress from the floor. It was pretty gross looking, I'll admit, but at this point I really didn't give two shits. I was tired and there was a bed. That was all that really mattered.

As I was laying back in bed I started reminiscing about all the stories my dad had told me. Slowly, they started to put me to sleep. I closed my eyes with the vision of my dad whispering a story to me while I was in bed, back when I was really young. It made me smile. Maybe he'd be proud of me now, if he saw me out here like him.

My first night out in the wasteland wasn't too tough. But nothin' was too tough for a Tunnel Snake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** So I know I haven't updated this story in a few weeks. I've been teetering on writer's block for a little while. But for some reason, today I just wrote this entire chapter in one sitting. I'm not so sure what that means, but I'm happy with it! I tried my best to keep Butch in character. I like talking like him. But, I wanted to maybe explain how his time out in the wastes would be like. At least from my perspective. No Lillian, our Little Miss 101, in this chapter. Hopefully in the next. Just bear with me as I try to figure this all out. It's new for me, and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone. Sorry for my long absence :( I can't figure out how to get these damn paragraphs spaced out enough because whenever I upload the documents they just condense into this... improperly spaced.. thing. And GOSH! Just... I give up. ENJOY BEING IN THE MIND OF BUTCH! I know I did.

Oh, looooots of bad language in this chapter. Butch is starting to get pretty angry at life, so I figured curse words would most effectively portray this :)

*Edited 5.24.10

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I don't really know how many days its been since I first arrived here. To be completely honest, the only way I know what day it is, is if I'm starin' at my damn Pipboy.

Everyone around here seems so content with just sittin' and doing absolutely nothin'. I can't fucking stand it. Too many days I've been up to that piece of shit bar. Too many days I'd sit and not know what to do with myself. Now, I love bars and drinking and shit, but y'know you run out of dollar bills quickly. Especially here, where they nickel and dime you for bullshit reasons. Matter of fact, I ran out of my last dollar bill yesterday. Which was a Tuesday now that I remember it. I've been out here for a Goddamn week and I'm already sick of this shit. And I find it a little funny when, y'know, they don't prepare you for anything in the Vault. I guess they figure that no one would be able to leave. That no one would actually _want_ to leave their little sanctuary. Well.. fuck 'em. I just proved 'em all wrong.

A week, still no sign of Lilly either.

I've been sleepin' in this crappy old, skanky mattress for _days_. And if I squint real hard I can kinda see the outline of my body in it. It's a little depressing. How you can just get so used to one thing all your life, and then this… this is just fuckin' crazy out here. I mean, Sunday I took a trip outside, just to check things out. I figured I was pretty high and mighty with my Pa's pistol. Boy was I wrong. Fuckin' watched a dude just up and _SHOOT_ someone for no Goddamn reason. Well, I high tailed it outta there. Ain't no way I'm stickin' around for that, no sir. Cause if that crazy came within a foot of me I'd be ducking for cover and praying he'd spare me. I ain't ready to die just yet. Not with all the shit I've gotta do still.

The good thing about all this shit though, is that I did get in a few hours of practicing with my pistol. Even if I hadn't really gotten any better, I still knew where to shoot and how to shoot, so I figure that'd be enough out here. If I came across anything, I'd just have to rely on my speed or somethin' else. Maybe if I could get close enough I could just beat the shit out of it. 'Cause I may not be good at aiming or anythin' like that, but I've known how to throw a punch since I was five years old. So, I figure that has to be good enough for something.

Even after goin' out and practicing all those nights, trying to release my anger in some other way besides drinkin' it all to oblivion, there's still people in this pit that get on my last nerve. Just make me want to explode in fury.

There's a guy in this town though, a real sun burnt old fart. He likes to make fun of me constantly 'cause he thinks he's so much better than me. Even though all I see him do is play his cards right with that _whore_ in Moriarty's. I really wanna just pop him right in the chin. But, y'know everyone around here seems to have a gun the size of my leg, so I can't really start something with my measly little weapon. I ain't that stupid.

It just gets me thinkin' sometimes, how everything was so much different in the Vault. I'd take on everyone and anyone with just my fists. Like a real man. But, no, not out here. No one gives a fuck about anything like that anymore. All anyone notices around here is if you've got the caps or if you've got a piece bigger than theirs. Fist fighting is history. Along with civility and law. Now, I didn't really play too well with the law during my days in the Vault, but now I know just what the Overseer was yappin' about. I guess you really gotta' have someone look after the rules. 'Cause now, whatever I got on me can easily be everyone else's. If I look at someone wrong, that somehow justifies a string of bullets my way. And if I don't pay, or if I steal, that means my life gets taken from me quickly. It's all bullshit. All stupid. But I can't talk, now can I? 'S Anarchy. What I was tryin' to bring to the Vault.

Now I know just how stupid I really was.

I'd been up to talk to Gob a few times, when my head gets so filled up with anger and other stupid shit that I just can't take it anymore. Shame that no one ever seems to listen to the poor guy. He's got some pretty interesting stories that he's been telling me. Of course when that _ass_ Moriarty's out of earshot.

Yeah, I finally put it together that he's the owner of that rat hole. Man, I'd like to give him a nice sucker punch to the jaw, too. But, I'm not an idiot. I know that's probably one fight I'd never win. No matter how hard I tried. That man's probably got bullets and guns comin' out of his ass. And, I bet ya that he's got a bunch of people lookin' out for him too. Course, if I was in his situation and owning my own bar, I guess I'd have someone watchin' my ass too.

A week. No sign of Lilly.

Gob tries to assure me every time I'm around that "she'll be all right". Man, what the hell happens if some crazy just up and shoots her in the fuckin' skull, just like what I had seen a few days ago? I know Lilly wouldn't be able to survive that.

Even that radio that Gob's always blastin' hasn't said anything interesting about her. It's always the same shit, the same song, the same stupid man on the other side of the radio, preaching to whoever's listening just 'cause he likes the sound of his voice so damn much. I wish someone would just give me an answer. Lemme know if it's pointless to wait for something that may never come back.

No sign of Lilly.

Now, I know I usually ain't had much to say about the broad. But, damn. Somethin' about being in this whole… Shit, what was I even in? Waiting up every day for her just made me realize how completely different this place is. Normally I'd be able to see her just across from me, call her some names, spit ball her hair, stick gum on her chair, _SOMETHING_. Out here, there was nothin'. She could be halfway across the Goddamn planet before I'd get a chance to see her again. Didn't take me too long to figure that out. This wasn't like the Vault at all. I was a little happy about that, but then… Well…

It's nothin' a Tunnel Snake can't handle.

I'd get through this shit.

I'd give her a few more days, and if she wasn't within my sight after that, then I'd be outta' here quicker than you can say Radroach meat. Which, by the way, is fuckin' disgusting. Some idiot tried to slip me that on the sly one night while I was out roaming around. Fuck if I know an antenna from one of those bastards. I had enough of them in the Vault to last me a lifetime. The Butch-man didn't _like _radroaches. And, if he had it _his_ way, he'd destroy every last one of them with a push of a button. But, he didn't have it his way anymore. Not one bit.

I didn't rule the streets here like I ruled the tunnels of the Vault. Didn't have people wrapped around my finger like I used to. I wasn't able to get away with bullshit. I was just outta' my element, and it made me feel like a piece of shit. No amount of dirty looks or finger waving would make anyone afraid of me here. I was just another guy in the crowd, and I was done with that. So, I finally decided to get my shit together and high tail it the fuck outta' there. There was no reason for me to stick around that bullshit place, because I hated every Goddamn son of a bitch there. They could all suck my balls, trying to cheat me out of every dollar I had. Well _fuck_. That.

I met up with Gob before I got out of that shit hole. He told me to get to Underworld, see if Lilly was there. I thanked him for everything, and I said if I ever made it back here alive I'd give him somethin' of mine. Because, I had to hand it to him. He was probably the only person who treated me decently and it's a shame. A shame 'cause it takes the most horribly disgusting, disfigured person out there for me to realize that people are dicks. And even though Gob's a little messed up on the outside, the guys got a good heart in there. And y'know, I'd never tell him that. Since, that's not the way Tunnel Snakes roll, but it just goes to show you that the prettiest people can do the ugliest things. I've seen my share of ugly. I ain't tryin' to see any more of it.

"Kid, you need anything for the road? It's dangerous out there." He asked me, but I knew it was out of the question for him to even give me a piece of anything. Moriarty had him hog tied to his balls, and there was no way I was about to get him in trouble by him doin' something _generous_. By bein' a _good_ person. 'Cause everyone else around here seemed to forget how to do that. Everyone else around here was too fuckin' concerned about their own well being to even help someone else out with anything. _Fuckin_' idiots.

"Nah Gob, s'alright. I'll be fine. I'm a fuckin prodigy where I come from, y'know that? It's nothin' I can't take."

Gob rolled his eyes at me and turned to polish another glass off the counter. As if they could get any cleaner than what he had made them ten minutes before. Pshh... He was stuck on rewind and replay for all eternity. Really had me angry.

"Well. Just try to make it there in one piece, all right?" He tried to spare me a look of concern, but I brushed it off with a wave of my hand. That guy didn't need to be wastin' sympathy on me. I had it a lot better than he did, from my point of view at least.

"If I find her, I'll try to get word back to ya." Gob nodded his head and looked down, he must really miss her too. I brought my hand up and smacked him on the back of the shoulder. Y'know, in a brotherly way. Didn't need him cryin' all over the floor he just washed up yesterday.

"She's fine Gob. I'll look after her." That was the only thing I could promise him at the moment. 'Cause a part of me was really unsure if she'd want anything to do with me. But, out here… It was dangerous. I didn't really like the fact that one of my kin was out here all by themselves. And Lilly was just a fragile little thing. There was no way she'd be able to make it out here all by herself. At least, not the way I was thinking. But, who knows. Maybe she was more better off than anyone in this town. Maybe she didn't need me. Maybe I was just waistin' my time.

I shook my head and stood up, gathering what little things I had left and making sure my pistol was close to me. I nodded my head at Gob, he nodded back. We didn't want to say anything to each other, but I think I knew what he was thinkin'. I bet he's wondering if I'll ever come back. If he lost another good person, another friend out there.

As I made my way out of the metal pimple of the wasteland, I flipped that damn robot the bird and spit on the side of the entrance way.

"Fuck all of ya."

And that was it.

I was out.

Free again to roam a world I had no idea existed.

Free again.

I was runnin' low on water now. I only had the chance to grab a few water bottles from the Vault before I made my awesome escape. Even though I drowned myself in all the purified water a few days ago, I still was smart enough to keep the bottles and fill them up with the radiated crap from Megaton. Whatever, it didn't matter now as long as I had water, right? Even if it tasted a little weird and make my tongue tingle and my stomach cramp up, I still had one survival necessity. One thing to keep me goin' strong.

From what Gob had told me a few nights ago, I was supposed to be lookin' for some kind of underground tunnel. I didn't really feel like goin' back underground, but Gob said it was the only way to get to Underworld, so I figured I'd do as he said. When I finally reached the piece of shit tunnel like he said a few hours later, it didn't look a thing like the ol' Vault did. No way in hell I was goin' back there. But, I was thankful that I didn't get lost or anythin' too. 'Cause I wasn't really sure what was lurkin' around here.

It seemed a lot cooler and darker down in the tunnel too. So, at least I'd be out of the sun for a while.

Once I walked through the entranceway, I heard something to my left and pulled out my pistol with shaky hands. Of-fuckin'-course something would be down here already, waiting to eat me alive. I was already sweatin' bullets and trying to get my eyes to focus on the other side of the tunnel when I heard a shuffle to my side. And I'll be damned if my heart didn't stop at that exact moment, a fuckin' _Gob_ was on my far left, starin' at me with beady eyes and all bent over like some hunchback.

He might've looked all burnt and shit like Gob did, but he didn't look as friendly or as sane as Gob. Nah, he looked _crazy_, like he was ready to spring up any instant and just claw me to death. He made a weird noise, like the kind someone would make if they were choking or spitting up. And then alluva sudden, he just fuckin' sprinted near me. Fuck if I was gonna' let him come any closer, so I aimed as best as I could and tried to shoot at his chest. I missed a few times, but eventually managed to slug one into his body. I watched as it flew into his belly and heard it ping against the wall behind him. Whatever that thing was, it looked down at where I had hit it and hissed real loud, then lunged for me. _Great_.

I was on the ground in an instant. The fucker was clawing at my face and trying to bite me. I couldn't find my pistol anywhere, but I definitely wasn't gonna let myself be Gob food for this creeper. So, I clenched my fist and socked him right in the jaw. Another hissing noise, more rapid arm movements from his direction and he finally managed to get me to bleed. I was scared shitless.

Was I gonna' die here? Was this Gob lookin' _thing_ going to kill me?

But without me noticing, my body filled with adrenaline. I guess that's what we learned was the fight or flight mechanism in class that one time, a while back when we _actually_ learned useful shit. At least I was payin' attention for that part because it Goddamn saved my life. My brain started working faster, and I took both my arms up, strangling the thing with my bare hands. I was angry now. I didn't fuckin' like this thing just goin' ape shit on me for no reason. I watched it wheeze a few times, clawing at my hands and flailing. I started gaining new strength, so I stood up with it still in my grasp. It weighed almost nothing, so I just squeezed it 'till I saw its eyes move to the back of its head. Whatever it was, it looked like a starved human- and then I hoped that it wasn't a cannibal or some shit, 'cause I really wasn't ready for any of that yet.

Once I was sure that sucker wasn't breathin', I dropped it like a sack of potatoes and let it fall to the ground in a heap by my feet. Taking my boot up, I stomped it into the ground a few times for good measure. I needed to make sure that thing was dead before I continued on. Wasn't trying to have it catch me while my back was turned. Or while I was takin' a whizz or somethin'.

My brain was rattled, and I could feel blood oozing from the side of my temple.

I walked a few steps away from whatever that thing was, shakin' like a leaf. So, I took a seat on one of the semi-collapsed benches and put my head in my hands. The adrenaline was already beginning to wear off. I was already aware of what exactly had just happened. I almost fuckin' died.

Taking a hand up and pressing it to the side of my head, blood was already starting to cake over it and I almost felt like passing out for a second. I couldn't though, so I took a few breaths through my nose and kept my eyes on somethin' else. Just so I could calm down at least. There was no use gettin' worked up yet. I was alone. I didn't have the luxury of doing that anymore. I had to watch my own back. I had to make sure none of those fuckin' Gob shits came after me again. I spotted my pistol on the ground a few feet away, so I quickly made my way over to it and scooped it up. It was going right back into my pocket, that's for damn sure. I wasn't letting that thing out of my sight.

My eyes wandered over my surroundings. I looked at the thing I had just killed on the floor and felt my stomach turn.

I threw up right there, next to a broken Nuka-Cola machine.

However long it was 'till I got myself together, I didn't know. I leaned up against that machine for a few good minutes, thinkin' about everything that had just happened. My body ached, the blood wasn't stopping, and I had no idea where the fuck I was at the moment. All I knew was that as soon as I stepped into this fuckin' tunnel that GOB _SAID_ TO GO IN. I was fuckin' attacked. By some monster that I used to be scared was under my bed when I was little. It was ugly, and oozing something from its body, smelled rank and looked like a skeleton, or something that'd been dead long before I got there. And, it was tryin' to _EAT_ ME. The Butch-man was really creeped out. I needed to find something to wrap my head in, just to get the damn bleedin' to stop and I needed to do it fast. Before somethin' else could try and eat me.

I walked around in a daze for a little while, inspecting my surroundings. Trying to find some sort of cloth or anything just to get the bleeding to stop. My hand was still clamped over my temple tightly, and I was scared to take it off. I was thinking if I did it would squirt out or something, and I didn't know what to do when that happened.

For a second, I asked myself if Lilly ever had to deal with anything like this. Any of this creepy stuff. And I guess for a second I got a little worried about her, 'cause y'know, she's a girl and all. How was a girl gonna punch somethin' like that offa her?

My eyes found a bathroom in the distance, so I hurried over to it and scoped it out. There didn't seem to be anything of importance in it, so I made my way down the tunnel. Eventually, I got to this huge ass opening in the underground. There was a bunch of weird, train lookin' things all mashed up together. Lots of rocks were everywhere, and it looked like some of the tunnels to my left had collapsed into themselves. Now they were just a rubble mountain that I wasn't lookin' forward to climbing. I pressed onward, trying to keep an eye out for anymore of those Gob things, while still holding a hand to my head and an anxious one by my pistol. From the looks of it, there didn't really seem to be anything else in the area. There was a lot of dead radroaches, which I was thankful for, and some more of those weird Gob things just lyin' around. They looked dead to me, but I wasn't about to go over to 'um and check. It honestly looked like someone had already been through this way, already taken care of most of the dangers. I was just unlucky enough to find the one fucker that was still alive.

Of course.

I was keepin' my eyes focused ahead of me, jogging quickly so I could get out of this underground place. I did not wanna stick around much longer down here. It was eerily quiet- I didn't like it.

Sooner or later I got to the end of the tunnel. Like I said, there wasn't that much left in there that hadn't been looted through or shot dead. I was thankful somewhat, but I was honestly hopin' I'd find something of use down there. Nothing really caught my eye. When I climbed back up to the top, my eyes had to re-adjust to the lighting of the area. It was really fuckin' bright, and I was betting it was somewhere in the afternoon. I checked my Pipboy, I seemed to be on course, so I kept going the way that Gob had told me. Prayin' that I'd be able to at least find somewhere to rest soon. The side of my head eventually stopped bleeding. But, now there was a lot of dried up blood and shit stuck on the side of my face. I wasn't really feelin' that. Hopefully this Underworld had a place for me to clean myself up.

There was another etrance to another tunnel, so I took the opportunity to go back down and try my hand at another round of fun. Apparently I'd be traveling through a lot of these, Gob said, so I figured I'd mine as well get used to it while I was still able. There was a lot of trash scattered about on the floor. Skeletons of people past were in corners, or slid up against the wall. I felt kind of sorry for them somewhat. But, they were dead already, so what was the use of feelin' sorry for people I'd never known? By the looks of some of the clothes that were left on them, they must've been from before the bombs. Maybe they were lucky enough to die quickly instead of being blown to bits by the bombs.

My head ached, I was running low on energy and the bottles I had filled were close to empty. I had the good fortune of finding a working Nuka-Cola machine though, with one of them still left inside. Took my time chuggin' that sucker down, but God did it feel good to have something in my system. I was tired of tastin' throw-up in my mouth. Pocketing the cap, I let the bottle slam to the floor and break. The sound made me feel a little better, since there was no longer silence eating away at me.

There were some dead wrinkly things in the corner. When I got closer to them, they looked almost like rats but, eugh, I wasn't tryin' to stick around for long. They smelled rank.

When I finally reached the middle of the tunnel system, I was met with a little light from above. There were weird noises comin' from below me, so I peeked my head over the side to investigate. Guess what was down there? Another _fuckin_' Gob monster just cowering in the corner with its back to me.

What the hell where these things?

God, I hated them almost as much as radroaches.

_Almost_.

I had to go down there though… There was no other way around it. I _had_ to. Had to face the thing. The monster under my bed. Breath caught in my throat as I reached for my pistol as quietly as I could. It was still making those weird noises in the corner, and I was hoping that it wouldn't notice me. At least before it was too late, before there were bullets coming its way. Waiting a few seconds, I took this chance to plead with karma to just let me do this _right_. I didn't want to miss. I wanted to hit it hard and fast, so it wouldn't get me again. Takin' a breath in to steady myself, I leaned over the side of the crumbled railing and aimed for it's head.

"1… 2…" I whispered, ducking my head to have a better chance at aiming. If I fucked this up... Well. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. Without waiting any longer I pulled the trigger, taking another aim at the thing's chest and pulling it again. I wasn't letting this thing get near me again. I'd blast it's brains out before it even had the chance to come and eat mine.

First shot was successful. I watched as the head kicked forward and it fell over from impact. I must've scared it or something. Real stealthy of me. The second one was coming fast. It hit the side of the arm, I'm guessing because the thing moved from the first shot, but damn I was just happy that I had actually hit something. It made an aggravated growling noise, and peered up at me with its beady eyes. I had my gun pointed at it, and without further ado I took the liberty of ending that things life with another shot. It gargled and fell to the ground with an echoing _thump_.

"Scooooore!" I cheered, throwing my hands up in the air. I finally did something right out here and I was grateful my life was no longer in danger. Deciding that there would be a better time for my victory chant, I pocketed my weapon and descended the stairs. I glanced around me quickly, seeing if there was any other dangers lurking in the shadows. Didn't see anythin', so I kept my jogging pace down one of the tunnels and hoped that I was going the right way again.

After a few more hours of navigating my way through the God forsaken underground, I found another entrance to the topside. Figuring that this would be the correct exit to lead me to my destination, I became more excited.

"Finally." I groaned, stepping out into the sunlight and stretching in it. The warmth felt nice on my back. My Pipboy seemed to think it was somewhere around 4 in the afternoon. I made decent time.

But, when I looked around at where I was, I didn't see the huge monument in the distance. Or the waves of "super mutant hideaways". I didn't even know what the fuck those things were, but the way God had talked about them I didn't want anythin' to do with 'em. I didn't even see one thing that Gob had explained. Instead, standing in front of me was the bow of what looked like a huge sunken battle ship. I was in awe. Was _this_ Underworld?

Deciding to myself that standin' and starin' weren't two good things to be doing out in the open, I opted to go ahead and check it out. There was a huge ramp leading up to something, so I climbed that with ease. I was on some kid of rusted piece of something… Just couldn't put my finger on it at the moment. There was a guy. He was in rags, just starin' at me. He looked like he'd keel over any minute now.

"Hey. Is this Underworld?" I dared to ask, stepping a little closer to the guy. I didn't want to get too close, though. 'Cos I was afraid he was sick or something. Had somethin' contagious. Or like.. rabies or somethin'.

He looked at me funny for a moment, and then started laughing at me. I mean, down right hysterics. Anger filled up inside of me. I wanted to smack this guy around for a little while, 'cause no one laughs at _me_ like that for no Goddamn reason.

"Somethin' funny." I demanded more than asked. He took a look at the seriousness on my face and quieted himself down. Good.

"You're serious then?" And he coughed. It was dry and sounded like his throat was filled with sand paper.

"Do I look like I'm fuckin' kiddin' to you? .._Dirty rat_.." I grumbled the last part, not wanting him to hear me. Whatever bout of sympathy I had for this fellow was all dried up now. No one laughs at Butch DeLoria. Not when he's got a mission to do. Not when he's bein' serious. Not when he needs answers.

He shook his head at me, the long wisps of his dirty hair flying in every direction. "This is Rivet City. Why would you be looking for Underworld. That place is full of _zombies_."

There was a weird glint in his eye when he said the last part. And even though there was dirt and skanky shit all over his face, I could see the scowl forming when he said that.

Now, Gob had told me that this Underworld place was full of _people_ that looked like him. Not these zombies or whatever the hell this guy called 'em. Not those creepy butt holes that were in the tunnels. There were people there. People that've been burnt beyond anything I bet that anyone around here has ever dreamed of. If he was callin' Gob a zombie, I'd be fuckin' pissed as hell. Instead, I let it slide. I didn't need to waste my breath on this loser. He looked like he was gonna' collapse soon anyway. Good riddance. Anyone who talked like that about my friend Gob, should.

"You got any water?" He then asked, out of the blue. That scowl on his face disappeared and instead it held a look of hope. I shook my head at the guy, unable to look him in the eyes.

"All I got is the shit you can drink in that skanky water over there." I pointed to the water surrounding the area, watching the guy's face fall. Not like I'd give him anything of mine anyway. Not with the way he was talkin'. I didn't stick around him long enough for it to bother me. Instead, I made my way over to a pillar with an old intercom on the side of it. My curiosity and attention was solely focused on that now. It reminded me of home. There was a red button in the center, so I pressed it, unable to curb my curiosity. A static voice came through, completely catching me off guard. I didn't think any of these suckers still worked. 'Specially not out here.

"Hold on." The voice spoke. Whoever it was sounded completely uninterested in what they were doing. All of a sudden a loud creak sounded, completely cutting through the thick silence around the area. I watched as a metal, rusted bridge turned towards me.

"Fuckin' _awesome_." I whispered with enthusiasm, pocketing my hands and stepping onto it once the creaking stopped. I had never seen anythin' like that in my entire life. Wherever I was, I wasn't goin' to be leaving for a while. That I was sure of. As long as I could get patched up and get a nice cold drink I was set. And, if Lilly happened to make her way over here, that'd be fine. I'd wait it out. She'd come eventually…

I hoped.


	3. Chapter 3

Sweet swirling onion rings! It's been a century and a half since I did anything on here, and I really apologize for that. The lack of reviews wasn't really giving me any initiative to continue this story. However, since school is over and I have been accepted into the nursing program, I found time to update! Ho-raaayy! Since it's summer, I really hope to at least finish this story soon. I wasn't planning on having it be a huge one, just a few chapters on what I felt Butch's life was like while he was out in the wastes. I attempted to write this chapter a little differently, and I'm happy with the way it came out. I realized how large my paragraphs were and tried to break them up as best as possible. When I feel like it, I'm going to try and go back and fix the others as well. I realize it can be a strain to read them.

With that said, sorry for my long wait but I'd really appreciate a few more reviews before I put out the next chapter. I know my story isn't that great, but reviews really do help give me initiative to write more. Even if they are bad, or meant to criticize this helps me a lot with my writing!

A big thank you to: **Fox Thomas, Mehyox, Nemesia, The 19th Mad Hatter, Kantata, Lucavi, Enefet, **and** Starchip13** for reviewing.

You guys really were the only ones that made me want to continue writing this, so I really do thank you all! If I get some more reviews, I'll seriously consider getting another chapter out within the week! And because of my long absence I tried to make this chapter as long as possible.

Enjoy.

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"Butchy, wake up."

Something was pokin' me in the side. I was still half asleep and in the middle of a good make out session with Susie Mack when something started shakin' the crap out of me. The light from above started to seep into my eye lids and I slowly started opening them. Not that I wanted to end my dream or nothing, but whatever this interruption was, was _definitely_ going to get it.

"Will ya quit it?" I groaned. My body wasn't ready to wake up yet, so instead I buried my eyes under my arm to try and rid them of that Godforsaken light. My head was pounding, and I was betting any amount of money that I drank myself into oblivion _again_ last night.

That seemed to be the habit around here for me now, and y'know I can't really complain that much. For what it took to get here, I had a pretty decent setup.

Y'see when they finally let me in this place after playin' 20 questions with me, I had found out that there was a bar here. A nice little bar, down in Rivet City. It didn't take me too long to make myself known down there. Belle was awfully sweet to me, like the grandmother I never had. When all my caps were done and spent on a few whiskeys, she offered me a job. There was no way the Butch-man was gonna' refuse that. It was like a dream come true.

So, after a few minutes of briefing me on what was to be done, I got the lay of the land and my own bed. Except, recently it hasn't been _just_ mine. Y'see there's this girl down here. Now, I ain't sayin' that she's real pretty on the eyes- cause trust me, she ain't. But, when you get a few shots in ya she tends to look pretty fine. I'm sure Trinnie's had her share of all the men on this boat, but hell, what was one more?

She was probably the one tryin' to wake me up. Always callin' me that dumb nickname of her's, Butchy. God I hated it, especially when I was having a hangover.

"Belle says you gotta' get up and help her, Butchy." Trinnie crooned from beside me. The mattress sunk with her weight and I shifted away from her quickly.

It wasn't like I didn't like her or nothing. She was an all right girl, just got on my nerves a little too quickly. And she really liked touching. A little too much for my taste. Ever since I first set foot on this ship she had been up my ass every second. Askin' me for drinks, and I'd give in sometimes after she'd get really annoying. And then, when the two of us were too fucked up for our own good, she'd ask me to touch her.

And I was lonely. So I did.

I guess some where between sharing drinks and fucking she got a little too confused. Because, I think now she's got it in her head that we're together like that. But we ain't. It's not like I don't enjoy her company, cause I do some days, especially when I get to thinkin' about my life up to this point. I'd spent too many damn days waiting on Lilly's ass and all but given up on her returning here.

Fuck, she's probably back to Megaton with Gob by now. Probably laughin' and smiling and having a good ol' time without me there.

Maybe it would've been better if I stayed there, back in that pit. But, even then what the hell would I say to her? My mind tried to think up some possible things to say. It was tough – I didn't know how to apologize to someone.

'_Oh hey Lilly, 'Member me? Butch. Yeah, I know I was a dick to ya all those years, and yeah I might've said some not nice things to ya when you got your ass back in the Vault. But, I didn't mean any of it…_'

'_I didn't mean to call you out on your father, on everything that had happened after you left. I didn't know he was dead. Ya could've told me. Or at least punched me in the face when I called him a spineless, good for nothing, fuckin' prick._'

I snorted into my arm. I had no idea what to say to the girl if she ever set eyes on me. Whatever I thought didn't come out too golden either. I could feel Trinnie eyeing me weirdly. Fuck her. She didn't know shit. And I wasn't about to tell some whore about all my troubles and the guilt I felt.

S'not like Lilly would even look at me probably. Maybe she'd just avoid me like the plague. I would. 'Specially if those things I said were directed my way. Nah, there was no way I'd forgive a person who'd said shit like that to me.

"Will you get your lazy ass up already? Can't you hear her yelling for you?" Trinnie screeched into my ear. I waved a hand at her, shooing her away. I didn't much feel like working today. In fact, I just felt like lying in bed, wallowing in my own damn pity.

"Will ya quit it? I'm getting up. God-fucking-damn, woman!" I growled at her. The mattress moved, probably because Trinnie had gotten up in a huff. What's it matter? She didn't mean all that much to me anyways. Just something to fuck.

Deciding that I'd rather face Belle than my own thoughts, I slowly made my way out of bed. The fact that my head was pounding was not helping anything, but I'd take the pain. In fact, I was startin' to get used to it. One too many hangovers, eventually you had to feel it less and less. When I finally made it out of the room, not before stumbling around a few times, Belle was staring at me with an angry face.

"Butch, you little-"

"Don't start. Y'sound like my mother."

She huffed and turned her attention towards the counter, washing it down with a cloth. I could hear noises from the back, Brock was probably up and looking for something to eat. There was a thought in my head that maybe I should do the same, but the shit around here taste like ass. I wasn't in the mood for ass. In fact, I wasn't in the mood for anything at all.

I got to work sweeping behind the counter before Belle could bite my head off. I swear, each day she gets more like my mother. Always bitchin' about something, always tellin' me to do something. But, as much as I hated it, she gave me a place to sleep and a few extra caps for helpin' around. It was the least I could do. Plus, I got discounts on liquor. That always seemed to make me bite back my retorts at her. I didn't want to loose that privilege.

Somewhere between noon and one I had stopped sweeping and took to keepin' an eye out while Brock took his lunch break. I wasn't as physically built as he was, and I didn't have a sawed off shotgun neither, but I was better than nothin'. This was the time the bar usually seemed to get filled. It was crazy too; I didn't know that many people lived here. There wasn't that many girls on the ship, much to the Butch-man's dismay. There was that one that worked for security and always turned down my advances. And then a few travelers that stopped by here and then. Still, even when I tried Trinnie usually got her panties all in a knot and bitched them out. God that girl could really get on my nerves sometimes.

A few more travelers made their way into the bar before it finally started to dull down. Brock made his way back from lunch to relieve me of my watch duty. So, I took the opportunity to escape for a little while and grab somethin' to eat down at Gary's. Now, ever since I had walked outta' the Vault, I realized how shitty food out here was. If I had one thing to miss from my time in 101, I'd say that would be it. But, when you're desperate enough, you'll eat anything. I think that's the way everyone else saw it too.

The stairwell wasn't as crowded as it usually was. I made my way up the steps pretty easily. When I finally made it to the middle deck to walk outside and reach the market that way, a few of the guards were talking. I was about to say somethin' smart about how they should be paying attention, but decided against it when I saw one of the bastards give me the stink eye. The fuckers.

If I wasn't bound to this place I swear he'd be the first to go. Ever since I got in here he's been givin' me shit. I don't even fucking know his name either- David or something? Or maybe it was Greg? Something gay, I knew that. Stupid blonde haired freak. Whatever, he was gonna' get it sooner or later.

By the time I made it to the market it was full of life. Not dull like the bar was. I guess everyone and their mother was in the mood to shop. I hopped off the last step and walked over towards Gary's. He smiled like he usually does, told me he'd be right there, and I took a seat up by the counter to wait. I could already smell the squirrel stew cooking on the counter. But, I was going to play it safe today and go with noodles. Last time I ate that shit I couldn't hold down anything for a few days. Goddamn radiation.

I could catch a few snippets of people's conversations. Not like I was a eves dropper or nothin', I just liked having sound to fill up my head. It was all dumb talk mostly. Whose buying what, how much somethin' was goin' for, and the occasional 'get out of my store' when someone didn't like an offer. Honestly, the only place I ever wasted breath on was Flak and Shrapnel's. They had a really nice bunch of guns there, and I promised myself when I saved up enough of my meager pay I'd book it over there to buy one. Not that I didn't like my pistol or nothin', just time for a change.

That, and everyone around me seemed to have a bigger, better gun than I did.

The Butch-man did _not_ like that.

After awhile of sitting and waiting Gary took my order and placed a bowl of noodles in front of me with a Nuka Cola. It wasn't the best of food, but hey it didn't have nothin' weird floating around in it like the rest of 'em. I waited for the steam to die down a little, and then I dug in quickly, trying not to taste the blandness of the noodles or choke it back up. I just wanted something in my stomach before I went and got myself shitfaced.

The stool next to me became occupied rather quickly. My head was tilted back as I took a sip of soda, but I caught a glimpse of the side of their face before they turned away from me. Whoever they were, it looked like they had on leather armor and a mean looking assault rifle tied to their back. Shaggy brown hair fell down the back of their head and touched down to their shoulders almost. I'm guessing it was a girl, cause their figure was slim and no man that I'd seen had their hair that long.

Gary smiled at the new comer and made his way over. I tried to sneak a few peaks at her while I continued sipping, trying to be discreet about it. Hey, if this was a new chick I had to at least make myself known to her. All she had to do was turn her head so I could get a glimpse of her face…

By the time Gary had made it over, the Nuka Cola was already missing my mouth and pourin' down my neck. My eyes went wide in shock and suddenly that headache I was feeling came back tenfold.

It was her- Lilly.

She was right next to me. I could tell even with how dirty her pale face had become…

Her hair was different, longer, and shaggy. And when she finally turned her face to look at me, a scowl set itself onto her dirty, sun burnt features. Her green eyes were gleaming with what I'm sure was suppressed anger; they were darker now, and completely focused on me. She had gotten herself some bangs too, but they were doing nothing to hide the intense look I was getting. But damn, as much as I felt like high tailing it out of there, I couldn't. This wasn't the Lilly I was expecting. She looked a lot different, not the little girl I had picked on so many times.

"You." She muttered, completely ignoring Gary's attempts at taking her order. That dirty mutt that was next to her pulled it's ears back and was growling at me too. What the hell was this? A guard dog? Didn't look too much like a guard dog to me, it looked like a mangy little piece of shit. I was contemplating kicking it, but I didn't feel like getting an earful from her just yet.

When Gary noticed that the atmosphere suddenly started to become dangerous, he took a few steps back and retreated out of my view, probably going to alert someone. My eyes were focused on Lilly's. Her stare had me completely paralyzed. I knew whatever was coming, I deserved. It was either a nice punch to the face like she had given me when I was fuckin' with Amata a few years back, or that mutt of hers was gonna' bite the shit out of me. Either way I wasn't going to run from it.

"What are _you_ doing here." She growled at me as her fists clenched on top of the counter. I put my drink down and gave her an equally hard stare. I didn't want her to see how afraid I was of her. She looked fierce, angry, and dangerous. Like nothin' I had ever seen from her before.

"What? I ain't allowed to be here? I escaped from that shit hole just like you." I muttered. My arms curled around my chest and I stood up from my seat. Lilly did the same. When I realized we still had the same height difference, I settled down a little. Her head still only came up to around my shoulders. She was no longer that scary anymore. Her eyes still held mine, that same look of contempt. Lilly placed a hand on top of the mutt's head and he silenced himself.

By the looks of everyone else around me, I'm sure they thought we were about to square off. I guess it looked like that too, since we were both staring each other down something fierce. From the corner of my eye, two security officers made their way over to us. My arms fell and relaxed at my sides. I didn't need to get in trouble with these bozos again.

"Is there a problem here?" One of them barked out, stepping in between the small space we had between us.

"Not at all, sir." Lilly answered quickly. Instead of looking fierce, her whole faced morphed into a smile, a genuine one. I had to do a double take to register it.

"I was just greeting a friend of mine here. Just making sure he hasn't gone soft on me, that's all." And there was that smile again, this time her eyes even closed for the effect. I knew she was lying, I could see right through her. But, what surprised me the most, is that those idiots actually took it!

I wanted to shout, point a finger at her and actually ask them if they were joking. It was so clear she was shitting them. How on Earth could someone go from a pissed off, I'm-going-to-kill-you look, to a genuine smile? People just didn't work that way! But, Lilly was so good at getting people to believe her. She was a better liar than I was. A master at her craft.

The security officers took a few steps back and struck up conversation with Lilly. They had believed her, and from what I was gatherin' from the conversation apparently she had somewhat of a name for herself down here. It figures. Still a goody-two shoes even out in this shit hole.

Eventually they took their leave, not before giving me the stink eye again. I swear those idiots just liked to fuck with me. But, whatever. They were off my back for the time being.

Suddenly, Lilly's full attention was on me again. Her eyes weren't as hard as before, but I could still see the anger hidden behind them. That was the thing with people who had light eye colors. They couldn't hide their emotions very well. At least, that's what I had learned. Their eyes were just too easy to look into.

She stepped closer to me, almost dangerously close. Instinctively I went for my pistol but her hand snaked around my wrist quickly.

"Don't." Lilly whispered, only loud enough for me to hear. I stared down at her and didn't want to look away. For a moment, I could see that she looked a little lost. Almost as much as I felt. But, it was quickly replaced with something else before I could dig into it. Where was that speech I had planned this morning? Where were the apologies I had planned to give her? Nothing was coming out right now, and I couldn't think of anything to say on the spot.

Jeez, I was really feelin' like a fool now. I had absolutely nothing to say to her, nothing to ease her out of this dangerous look she was giving me. Didn't I want to sweep her off her feet? This was the moment I was waiting for, dreaming about. And here I was, standin' like a fool while she watched me.

"You uhh… Ya wanna' take this somewhere more private?" I managed to get out. I was hating myself for the way my voice sounded. I wasn't feeling very big at the moment, but I was hopin' I could at least try to smooth talk her out of it.

"Whatever." She snapped, and then turned her attention towards someone in a corner who I hadn't noticed.

"Do you mind, just for a few minutes?" And when she asked them, it didn't come out angry. In fact her whole demeanor changed the moment she looked at him. I was almost jealous, almost. Just who was this person and how come they had such an effect on Lilly?

"Not at all, go for it."

I followed the voice, and my eyes nearly bulged right out of their sockets. It was that good for nothing dickwad guard that always gave me shit. That cocky ass so in so was giving me a look, and I swear to God if Lilly wasn't holding my wrist I'd have gone over there and knocked his face in. Good for nothing-

"Thanks, Scott, this should only take a few minutes." Lilly voiced back, her grip still firm on my arm.

I watched as that ass, Scott, sauntered his way over to me. A smirk stuck on his face. The prick. I'd give him somethin' to smirk about.

"Touch her and you're dead." He stated, attempting to intimidate me. I got in his face and smirked back at him. Just who did he think he was anyway? Tellin' me shit like that. Lilly wasn't his to look after.

"What's it to ya, huh, punk ass?" I bit back at him, standing up at my full height. So what if he was part of security? I was Goddamn Butch Fucking DeLoria. No one fucks with me and gets away with it.

Before he had time to say something back, Lilly pulled me away and started stomping up the stairs to get away from all the commotion. She's lucky she did anyway, or else I would have rearranged that Scott kid's face.

"You're lucky. Lilly just saved your fuckin' ass, ya' blond haired freak!" I yelled, grinning wildly as it echoed through out the whole entire hall. Lilly's eyes rolled next to me, her grip tightened around my wrist. That familiar smirk of mine formed on my mouth. It felt good to get my ol' spunk back.

"I see you haven't changed, Butch." Lilly mumbled.

I turned to her, trying to pry my arm out of her grip.

"Yeah, yeah. You're just lucky you didn't have to see me throw down."

"Butch, I highly doubt you could throw down anything."

"AY! What the hell you sayin' that for?"

"If I remember correctly, it was me that saved your mother from those itty bitty bugs."

"Hey, listen. Radroaches are a different story, Lilly. You ain't seen me throw around my fists before. So don't start."

Finally, I had gotten my wrist away from her death grip. My arms folded across my chest and I stopped in the middle of the hallway, glaring daggers at her. I didn't like that she doubted my skill, doubted my strength. In fact, I didn't like the fact that she pulled me away from him neither. I could take his little bitch ass on.

"Start? I was saving your ass!" Lilly stopped a few feet ahead of me and turned on her heel. That temper of hers started flaring up- I watched it in her eyes.

"Yeah… well, I don't need ya saving my ass. I can do it myself." I muttered, turning away from her so I could avoid those damn green eyes of hers.

"Right. Now, why did we need to take this someplace more _private_?"

My hands found their way into the pockets of my Vault suit. I started to get a little nervous, so I turned my back to her and started lookin' around and trying to act like it didn't bother me. There was no way I'd let her know she was intimidating me. 'Sides she'd probably milk the shit out of it anyway. I didn't need that. Not today.

"So you and that asshole, ehh?" I teased, still keeping my eyes off of hers. I had decided to turn around and face her, but I focused on my feet shuffling rather than the way she was lookin' at me.

"You pulled me aside to talk to me about Scott?" She questioned. I knew by the way her voice rose that she was skeptical. I would even go as far as saying she was makin' fun of me for it. Yeah, by now she knew I was drawing it out. Damn her, she was good.

"Nah, just didn't like the way he was lookin' at ya, is all."

She snorted at me, and now it was her turn to be on the defense. Her arms rose to cover her chest, but it wasn't like I could see much anyway. All that leather armor she had on effectively covered up everything worth looking at. The only thing it did for her was hug her curves, which wasn't a bad thing. By now I had realized how much weapons the girl had on her. There was a knife tied to her ankle, and it looked a lot bigger than my switchblade. Two pistols on her hips, along with a string of grenades, that assault rifle on her back and I'm sure she had more stashed someplace else. Lilly was anything but unprepared.

The mutt was sitting besides her, watching my every move. I was surprised how loyal it was to her- after all the only dogs I came across out here were vicious and rabies infested. They'd probably stand beside you just to take a chunk outta' your leg. But this one, he was different. I'd give the mutt that.

Since she hadn't said anything about the whole scott thing, I decided that there was something on the down low with them. I didn't like it much, but what the hell was I gonna' do?

"Where'd you get that _thing_?" My finger pointed at the mutt, I was sneering at it.

She gaped at me and bent down to the mutt's level, petting it affectionately on the head. Oh _God_.

"Dogmeat is not a _thing_. It's a _he_. And if you insult him again I'll tell him to bite you where the sun don't shine."

And as if the thing could understand her, his ears went back and he growled at me. How _cute_. So she had got herself a diseased little guard dog, as well as a few new metal friends. Lilly sure didn't mess around.

"Fine, fine. I was just askin'. Jeez."

I let my hand fall back to my side and took a few steps closer to her. Dogmeat stood up and those ears went back again. Guess he didn't like anybody getting' close to Lilly. Meh, I guess that was cool. 'Least she had someone wacthin' her back.

"You gonna' call that thing off or do I have to talk to you from a foot away?"

Lilly rolled her eyes at me and put her hand on the mutt's head. He instantly calmed down. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was kinda' impressed. He was well trained.

Instead of saying something like I half expected her to, Lilly just stared at me with her eyebrows raised. Waiting for me to continue. So with whatever pride I had left, I sucked it up and took a few more steps closer. It would be easy to apologize, just like I had practiced all those times. I could apologize, be done with it, and not have her plaguing my head like she usually did on any given moment. Get it over and done with, then I could move on.

"Listen Lilly… I know I was a real jerk to ya all these years…"

"That is an understatement." She interrupted, her arms folding over her chest as she stared at me skeptically again.

"You gonna' let me finish or what?"

"All right, all right. Stop being such a baby."

"Whatever. Anyways, like I was sayin' I'm sorry for bein' a jerk to ya and stuff… Listen, you know I ain't that good with words or else I would've told you how sorry I was when you saved my mom."

"Right, all I got then was a-"

"LILLY, SHUT UP AND LEMME TALK."

Lilly gaped at me; I could feel my face heating up. It wasn't out of embarrassment, just anger. I had waited for God knows how long to tell this girl how fucking sorry I was and all she was gonna' do was interrupt me? I don't think so. My hands clenched and unclenched as I tried to settle down. Lilly still looked too shocked to speak, so I continued on despite the anger that was getting ready to explode out of me.

"I didn't wait around for your ass for fucking months just to have you come here and belittle me. I ain't a smart kid Lil, y'know that. So don't be a smart ass with me right now. Not when I'm bein' honest with you. Not when I'm trying to tell ya something that's been buggin' the shit out of me ever since you left."

She didn't interrupt me, so I continued on my tangent, letting the anger fuel my words and hoping that they came out right.

"You may not think I know how much I hurt you, but I do. I don't expect you to forgive me, cause honestly? I wouldn't forgive me. All I'm sayin' is that I didn't mean to say what I did about your dad. I was just angry with all the shit that was goin' down in the Vault and it was easy to blame it off on your dad. It was stupid, silly, and immature. Right? I got that."

"I went through fuckin' hell to find you- y'know that? Traveling around this piece of shit just to walk up to you and tell ya' how sorry I am for everything. I have changed, Lilly. Maybe you don't see it, but I know I have. I'm not the same Butch anymore. And I know you're not the same Lilly I used to pick on."

I was starting to settle down by now. I had to take a short breath after saying so much. Lilly didn't move, she was just holding onto the scruff of Dogmeat's neck and staring at me like I had four antenna's coming out of my head. Whatever, she needed to hear this. I had to get this shit off my chest before it killed me.

"I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I know you probably hate me, and I don't care if you do or don't. I've been waitin' for months just to see ya. Just so I could apologize and tell you how much I appreciate what you did for me. Even after all the things I did to you."

I turned away from her, stuffed my hands in my pockets and started forward. I didn't want to chance a look back at her in fear that she'd catch the wetness in my eyes. The Butch-man didn't get upset for nothin'. But, here I was now getting all upset over a fuckin' girl. That's when I really realized everything I had been through was finally crashing down on me. I couldn't walk away from everything anymore.

Standing in front of Lilly and confronting her finally made me realize how much better it was to face my problems head on. She had given me a reason to change, and I was really thankful for that. But, of course I'd never let her know. I was just a fuck up. She had something goin' on in her life and I didn't want to make anything worse for her. I'd already given her hell. Lilly didn't need any more of it.

I was just gonna walk out of her life forever now. I said what I had to, that was that.

"So whatever… I'm sorry for everything. Catch ya later." I mumbled as my fingers grasped the handle of the door.

"Butch, hang on-"

"Don't." I whispered, and stepped through the threshold and away from my goal. There was nothin' left. No regrets.

"Fuck... I need a drink." I mumbled to myself, quickly hurrying down the hallway towards the bar. That was just what I needed to calm myself down. A nice drink. Then I'd be able to forget about the anger, the hurt, and the pain I was feelin' right now. I'd be able to sit down and relax. I wouldn't have Lilly's face in the back of my head. I wouldn't have all the shit I said to her floatin' around and makin' me feel like a dick. It was all over now.

And as I made my way silently down the corridor's of Rivet City, I had to stop and ask myself: What now? Would this be it for the rest of my life? Maybe, but right now I didn't want to think about it. The only thing that was keeping me from falling to pieces right there in the fuckin' hallway was the promise of booze and a hard mattress to sleep on.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N_**: Wow, I know I haven't updated this in a year and a half. I know none of you want to hear apologies for me, or excuses, but I am really sorry. I was accepted into the nursing program, and have pretty much been studying religiously since I started. Between that and work, I find little time for myself, much less writing. However, tonight I got into the mood and decided to dish out a chapter for you guys. I know it's been forever, and I tried to make it as long as I could to make up for the wait. Enough out of me though, I want to thank all of those that had reviewed for me. It really, sincerely keeps me going with this when I don't want to. I try to reply to everyone's but, here goes to show how much I appreciate it:

**Thanks** to, FancyLadySnackCakes ; Devanelle ; 870expressguy ; Little Loki ; Starchip13 ; Cuckoo-4-Cocoa-Puffs ; luvondarox ; PanhandledJello ; happytreefri3nds ; Fay-George ; Funky Slushie ; and maylomonster.

As a frequent reviewer myself, it's nice to be recognized. So, I hope you all appreciate it, and understand that you have my sincerest thanks for giving me your feedback for my story. As a writer, it would be nice if you guys could give me some constructive criticism, tell me what I need to work on, or give me any tips that you have. I'm always looking for improvement.

Unfortunately, I think this story will be coming to a close soon. I hadn't intended it to be a long one, and I think in another 2 or 3 chapter I'll have finished it out. But, don't worry, I will try to fill them with as much as I can since that's what I try to do in every chapter. Without rambling on any further, here is the long awaited Chapter 4. Thank you all for giving me the motivation to continue!

* * *

_Walking out the door this morning wondering what it is that's going on with you_

_Thinking of a way to say I'm sorry for something I'm not sure I do_

_So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is_

_I'm Hoping for a moment that I turn around and you'll be coming after me_

_Cause all that I can say is that it's obvious, it's obvious you're all I see_

_So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is about_

_Cause I can't read you_

_Come on baby let me in and show me what this really is cause_

_Something must have made you say that, what did I do to make you say that to me_

_Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say come back to me_

_And I'll be here in the morning if you say stay, if you say stay to me_

* * *

A part of me almost felt at ease now.

Almost.

I had said what I needed to Lilly and now my mind was a little bit free from her damn face haunting me. Except she still did. Somewhat. That damned face of hers and those stupid green eyes. Always sizin' me up. Always staring so critically at me. They'd be in my dreams, waking me up from a dead sleep just so I could make sure she wasn't there standing over me. Or sometimes when I got to thinkin' too much and stared off into space, her eye's would be staring right back at me. Forcing me to come back. The girl just would not leave me the fuck alone. Comin' at me whenever I was vulnerable.

She had every right to, I guess. I couldn't go and blame her for the way she acted towards me. Hell, I probably would've done the same thing. But it's different from this perspective now. Things have changed now…

Cause there's this weird little part of me that kinda wants her to accept me. Even if it was just a little part of me- like how perfect my hair was, or how fresh I smelled. I don't know. Something stupid and little for me to hold on to, just so it could keep me going. It didn't have to mean anything to her but it'd mean the world to me. 'Cause right now I felt pretty empty. I really hated admittin' that to myself. But, I had changed a lot since we were kids. And now, after all those years of pickin' on her and her trying to gain my acceptance… Well, now I guess I was the one try'na get hers.

After I had walked out that door, it felt like I had walked out of her life forever.

She didn't race back to me, telling me off.

She didn't come find me with something smart to say back.

Didn't come after me with some random ass invention of her's, trying to get me back for hurting Amata. 'Cause that's just the way the girl was, she was always lookin' out for everyone else. Never for herself. I'd make fun of her countless times, call her out, push her around. But no matter what I did to her, she'd never get me back for herself. It was only when I'd start with someone else. Then she'd throw a hissy fit and get me back. This was different now though, because instead of not wanting to be bothered by her, I actually wanted her to come after me.

She just let me go again. Just like that. Not even botherin' to say goodbye or nothin'. Now that she had finally left, all I kept thinkin' about was her. Sometimes even the possibilities of us together, but who was I kidding? Honestly... My mind's so fucked up.

And it's been a good three and a half weeks, and I ain't going to lie. I'm disappointed. Really disappointed, actually. I had it in my head that things'd be different. But I guess you shouldn't go around expecting nothin' in this damn world, cause it'll just bite you right on your ass. Just like everything else has.

I've still been sittin' on this fuckin' bar stool kicking back shots. Waiting for something to happen. Nothing does. It almost feels like I'm back in fuckin' Megaton again. Anywhere is better than that dump though.

You build yourself up for one moment, thinkin' it'll go great, but it never does. Cause that's just the world we live in today. I practiced, I waited, and when the moment finally came, I guess I blew it. I always do that. I'm such a piece of shit.

But, what could she even do?

I'm sure Lilly was straight lying to my face about the whole Scott thing. And I mean, a part of me is kinda happy for her and whatever. Y'know since she found someone out here in this armpit of a world. Maybe she's better off with him anyway, he'd probably be able to keep a better eye on her than anyone else. Since he's a security and what not. But there's that weird little part of me again that's hatin' it. Hatin' it so much that it eats me up inside when I get to thinkin' about it too much. Lately, I've always been thinkin' about it too much and it's really makin' me sick. Maybe I was just jealous 'cause she had somethin' and I didn't. I had nothin'...

Stupid Lilly always had something I wanted. A parent that cared about her, good grades, nice things, a father… Everything was always so damn perfect about her and I guess that's what drove me to bullyin' her in the first place. I've always been a jealous person, and I doubt that will ever change. Bein' stuck as the kid with nothin', you start to get notice when all of the other kids have everything you've ever wanted. Y'start to question things, and get mad. I guess it's just natural.

But, I don't really like that little weird part of me. 'Cause somethin' fishy was brewin' in that part. I keep trying to push it away or bury it someplace but, it's like, you can only keep somethin' a secret for so long before you're dying to tell it to someone. Right now, I guess you could say I was really dying to tell someone. But I'm stubborn. I do things my way. And I wasn't gonna let this girl get the best of me. The Butch-man didn't roll that way.

Though, Trinnie ain't really helping as much as I thought she would. You figure she'd be able to take my mind off things, even if it was just for a few seconds while we're fuckin'. But, again nothin' ever works out for me. Nothin' ever will. Its' always gotta be a struggle.

'Cause, of course through the grape vine she just _had_ to hear about Lilly. No one can just mind their own fuckin' business around this place, I swear.

Now it's always: "Whose Lilly?"

"What did you say to her?"

"Why were you all upset when you came back from talking to her?"

"Did you _do_ anything with her?"

All these stupid little questions that I don't have the patience to answer. Cause why should I answer to her, huh? She ain't nothin' to me. S'not like she's my girl or nothin'. I don't owe her anything at all. In fact, she's the one that owes _me_.

I just try my best to ignore it. Ignore her. Ignore everythin' around me.

Then there are times when those things she says gets me to thinkin'. And then that weird little part of me finds a way to bring itself back and I'm sitting by myself tryin'a figure out why I didn't go back for her. Why I walked my ass right outta' there and didn't even turn back. Maybe she had something to tell me, but I blew it. I always mess everything up. Now I'll never know what could've been. Instead, I'll just have a bunch of questions with no answers.

And then there's always that last question that stings like a bullet wound.

_Did you do anything with her?_

Tch, as if.

But I gotta admit, now that those damn eyes of hers are haunting me all the fuckin' time, my dreams are starting to play tricks on me. Cause it ain't Susie Mack who I'm on top of or in bed with- It's her. _Lilly_. And I'd be a fuckin' liar if I said I didn't enjoy it.

But she was a weirdo.

A freak.

A nobody.

But, I guess right now I'm all of those things.

I was in her element now, and by the way she held herself around here I was assuming she was pretty damn good at whatever it is she does. The way people looked at her, smiled her way. The way everyone seemed to accept her. She must've been helping everyone in this damn city the way they talked so highly of her. That's where she and I differ I guess. She's a helper, I'm a destroyer.

But she had people, company, and that damn mutt of hers to look back to when things got too insane. She was well off, and could afford new weapons. Lilly wasn't sitting on her ass wastin' away like I was. She was doin' something with her life.

I wasn't. I was just wastin' myself away with booze and cheap sex.

I had _nobody_.

I was a bona fide freak around here, ain't nobody to talk to. No one _wanted_ to sit and talk with me. No one understands me. They ain't been through the shit I've been through. But, then again I guess I haven't been through half of what they have either.

Fuck this world. Everything's always gotta turn tables and shit.

Karma is _such_ a bitch.

I must've been starin' at the wall too long 'cause Belle started looking at me with those eyes again. Those pity eyes that I fuckin' hated. I didn't go around here moping like a little bitch. I wasn't bawling my eyes out or complaining or nothin'. I wasn't askin' for nobody's pity cause Tunnel Snakes don't _need_ nobody's pity. I was just sittin' here, minding my own and she always just…

"She broke your heart, huh?"

I turned my attention from the rusting wall to her face. Was she really serious right now, callin' me out on that? Goddamn.

"Who broke my heart Belle."

I didn't feel like goin' through these damn questions again. But I guess goin' through Belle's were a lot easier than Trinnie's. Least her voice didn't give me the heebie-jeebies. And at least I could actually have a decent conversation with her without being groped.

"Don't play games with me you little shit. I hear you saying her name in your sleep. So does everyone else for that matter. Give it up."

She smirked at me and folded her arms over her chest. Givin' me an attitude was she? Well, I'd show her an attitude.

Butch-man wasn't gonna lose this argument.

"Mind your own, how 'bout that ya old hag?"

And there were those eyes again. That woman was just bipolar as fuck, I swear. Why'd she have to go and feel so sorry for me all of a sudden.

"Listen kid, it's best if you just move on. Understand?"

"Yeah, I know."

I was half listening to her speak, my mind already going out on it's own and thinkin' again. All the time I spent here in this hellhole was fuckin' with me. Butch-man didn't think about things often, didn't question anything. Yet here I was wastin' all my time in my head. God. Damn. Trust me when I tell ya, it ain't a great place to be.

Trinnie walked in just then, her hands on her hips like usual. I was assuming she was about to bite my head off with some remark, and then try to seduce me to buy her somethin' or other. She made her way over towards me slowly. Things with us hadn't been the same since Lilly came, but I wasn't upset with that. Y'see Trinnie had it in her head to try and play a game with me or something. For a week and a half she wouldn't speak to me, if only to bust my balls about Lilly or something. She didn't sleep near me; in fact she just all around avoided me.

And as much as it bugged the shit out of her to watch it not bother me in the slightest, I still kept my composure. I wanted to jump around for joy. I held it in though, just to watch it make her angrier. I bet she could see it in my eyes though. 'Cause underneath the silence, I was thrilled.

Honestly, I had absolutely no idea what was goin' on in that fucked up head of hers. A screw or two must be loose or something, 'cause if she thought this was goin' to make me miss her, she was sadly mistaken. I was enjoying the time I had without her up my ass, hopefully she wasn't bringin' herself around just to bother me more.

"Your little wasteland whore is back." She muttered, taking a few steps closer to Belle and I.

"Wasteland whore?" I questioned. As far as I knew, I had no such thing. On account of I'd never been out of this place since I first got here.

"Yeah, and her stinky mutt." Trinnie's lip curled back. That ugly ass grimace of her's coming back. I had half a mind to smack it off her face, but I ain't never raised my hand to a woman. Unless they raised one at me first. Plus, I could tell where this conversation was goin'. She was gonna sit there and bad mouth Lilly. _Again_.

Just to get a rise out of me.

Just to fuck with me.

Because she fucking _loved_ to play this game with me.

"Lilly's back, huh?" I mumbled, taking another long sip of whiskey. If she was back, that meant I had to drink double time so I wouldn't give a fuck about what was goin' on around me.

"You going to fuck her or something?" Trinnie questioned. Belle shot her an evil look. Probably because she was the only one who really gave a shit about me. That and she knew about what I was going through, even though I never told her.

I guess women just sort of get that kinda super power as they age.

If that was the case, what the fuck did men get?

"BUTCH!" She screeched, and half of the liquor went down the front of my shirt. The only clean one I really had left. I must've phased out again in the middle of the conversation. I had a knack for doin' that lately.

"You fuckin' crazy or something? Relax God damnit." I tried to wipe off the dribbles as best I could, but then I realized I looked like a pile of ass anyway, so what the hell was the point. I ain't got nobody to impress around here.

"Psychotic bitch you are, I swear." Mumbling the last part as I went in for another sip.

"You're a worthless piece of shit, Butch. No wonder you're whore won't come back."

"Trinnie, that's enough out of you. Get your ass out of here before I kick you out." Belle blurted out. I could see from the corner of her eye she was gripping that broom of her's up, tryin' to intimidate Trinnie with it. But, honestly what the hells a broom gonna do? Maybe she'd beat her with it. That'd be funny as hell to see.

I zoned out again, staring at the wall. Trinnie and Belle were moving around, but I didn't pay attention to what they were sayin'. Didn't really care all that much about it either. Eventually Trinnie was gone, and Belle went back to workin' or doin' whatever it is she does. She didn't bother me or question me about anythin' so I was kinda grateful for that.

It was another four or five slugs of liquor and I could barely comprehend what was goin' on around me. I guess today was just going to be one of those days. Hell, I didn't care.

And with another two shots I was completely wrecked. I think my ass imprinted on the barstool from how long I was just sittin' there, starin' at nothing. I had no concept of time, or how long I had been drinkin' but at the moment I really didn't give two shits about anything.

Belle had finally cut me off, no surprise there. I would thank her in the morning whenever I got my shit together again.

When I couldn't hold my head up straight anymore and the pipes on the wall started to morph together, I laid my head down on the rusty old counter top. Probably not a good idea, and in the back of my head I could remember Lilly sayin' something about Tetanus that one time in class…

Fuckin' there I went again. I swear, she wouldn't even fucking leave me alone when I was gone. It always was like this, ever since she left. And Goddamnit I fuckin' hated her for it.

The irrational anger was coming back tenfold. Every time I drank I became a giant fire breathing Yao Guai. At least that's what everyone in the bar said. I begged to differ, but it still sounded kina cool. I mean, seriously, could you just imagine that?

Somethin' was tappin' me on the shoulder. I tried my best to push away whoever it was with my hand but my reflexes were so shot I wound up hitting myself in the head.

"-I mean, just look at this lowlife scum. All he's doing is-"

My ears were starting to ring, and I could've sworn for a moment that I heard someone talkin' about me. I wanted to say something back to them, but I was just too fucked up to even figure something smart to say back.

"-drunken piece of shit. He's got nothing to live for-"

I was finally starting to put two and two together when I heard that. My eyes were bloodshot, and it was hard to see, but I managed to remove my head from the table and glare up at whoever had the sack to say that to me. I might've been fucked up but I wasn't going to let this shit slide. Everyone's always got to have a problem, y'know? A guy can't just get blasted to oblivion without someone ruining it.

"Y'talking to me, y'snooty fuckin' piece." My head fell back, I could feel my hair fallin' out of the gelled curl I kept it in. Fuckin' A. My lips were numb, I could tell what I was sayin' wasn't right. I was probably mumblin' and shit again.

"Look, he can't even fucking speak right, the jackass."

"Scott. Leave him alone. This is really unnecessary."

And then there was that voice again. I couldn't see who it was coming from, but it was the voice I'd been dreamin' about for a few days now. But right now my mind just wouldn't focus. Too much whiskey…

"You're really going to stick up for him now, after everything? This idiot isn't worth your time, Lillian, honestly."

There was that Scott guy talkin' again. Something about the way he was speaking was sparkin' me up. I didn't like the way his nasally ass voice sounded. He was about to get punched in the face if he didn't shut the fuck up. I might've been impaired but my anger would keep me sharp. Well, sharp enough at least.

"It's inappropriate to be starting with someone who's completely intoxicated."

That must've been Lillian's voice. It sounded so familiar, and she was sticking up for me. But, the Scott guy was still prodding my back with his grimy ass fingers. So apparently she didn't stop him that mu-…

Lillian?

…._Lillian_?

Oh, wait Lilly!

Lilly and Scott were here.

Oh, _fuck_ Scott.

I stood up from the barstool to get the fucker off my back. Damn, was that a bad idea. The room started spinnin' in the wrong direction and I wound up having to balance myself against the friggn' bar counter. Still, I had to get my shit together if Lilly was here. I bet I looked like a real mess right now to her. God, this day could not get any worse.

The two of them started arguing again, but I couldn't focus on the words. I was tryin'a keep myself from falling over. But then I saw somethin' I really didn't like. Scott took a threatening step towards Lilly and everything after that went red.

I saw her eyes squint together. She was glaring at him. Apparently she didn't like that neither.

"Scott. You've had too much to drink." She stated flatly, and I could see her whole demeanor change in a split second. The drunk haze I was feeling a little while ago was slipping away.

"You don't know shit, Lillian. Don't talk to me like that."

And that was really all it took for me to completely lose my composure.

No one spoke to Lilly like that while I was here. And this guy only needed one more thing to get me to kick his ass. Well, here was that opportunity I was lookin' for.

So I did what felt natural, I tapped him on the shoulder and landed a fuckin' hook to his cheek.

"Don't let me hear ya fuckin' talkin' to her like that, ya dirty fuckin' rat bastard." My accent got thicker, and I watched him cup the side of his face and look at me with wide eyes.

Y'see, I talk a big game, but I back it up with my fists. Let's see this Scott guy do anything without his gun.

"Are you serious right now?" He muttered, still holding his jaw.

Lilly got between us real fast, separating us with as much room as her little body could put between us. Which wasn't really much, honestly.

"Boys. Relax." She was using her business voice, which meant someone was about to get it. But, right now was my turn. Lilly'd see just what I was made of. I wasn't going to let her hold me back anymore. Hurt my pride enough when she pulled me away from him the last time. Now he'd pay.

"Did I fuckin' studder, blondie?"

"That's it! I've had it with you're bitch-ass comments."

Scott wound up pushing Lilly aside, slamming her against the counter and went for a shot at me. He hit me, but I was so angry about seein' Lilly grab her hip after it smacked against the counter that I lost control again.

Scott made the mistake of comin' closer to me, and everyone knows the closer you get to a snake the more danger you're in. Fucker should've kept his distance. With the alcohol coursing through me I couldn't really feel anything right now. Just rage. Which was all I really needed anyways. I gripped him up by his ugly ass jacket and smacked my forehead right into his. I could hear Lilly yellin' at us to knock it off, but she was the last thing I wanted to listen to right now.

I could feel the blood seepin' down my forehead and it made me feel even better. Too much adrenaline was pumpin' for it to even get to me. While Scott was busy holding his head in his hands, I took the opportunity to punch the shit out of his stomach.

Once.

Twice.

Three shots to his gut and he was already doubled over and whining about somethin' being broken.

There were shouts all around me, and I could feel someone tryin' to pull me away from him. I wasn't finished though; I had just got started with this guy.

I give him credit though, after I was preoccupied tryin'a get someone off'a me, he went in for a cheep shot with another hook to my face. It seemed like that was the only thing that bitch knew how to do. You'd think they'd at least teach you more hand to hand when you're a security guard, but whatever. This guy was goin' down.

I could feel my cheek bruising, the adrenaline was still going strong, and I was getting ready to aim up my next shot. He was coming closer to me, the people behind him finally backin' off after they realized this wasn't some pussy-ass bar fight. No, this meant somethin'. He was squaring up, gettin' in a poor excuse for a boxer's stance, guess he learned the hard way that I don't mess around when I'm fightin'. I get in the fuckin' zone.

I squared up as well, better than him of course, takin' my time to stalk him out. Every time he moved, I moved. If he went forward, I took a step back. He went back, I took two forward.

Scott was tryin' to intimidate me, but you can't intimidate a Tunnel Snake. It just doesn't happen. S'not possible.

He went in for a left punch to my shoulder; I ducked and socked him right in the gut again. This time I could feel my fist diggin' into him. It felt awesome. And when he went down again, I was just about ready to take the final blow when a gunshot sounded.

Everyone went real quiet after that. I stopped what I was doin', scoping out the place to try and see what the fuck happened. In the middle of all the commotion, Lilly was standing with a friggn' shotgun held in the air. She didn't look too happy.

"Everyone settle down. This is ridiculous." She shouted, specifically lookin' at me. I didn't care, but I did what she said. I let my hands fall back into my pockets and took a step back from my victim. I mean, Scott. Everyone made room for her as she made her way over towards us. Scott was on the ground, groanin' like a puss about his stomach.

She looked at him once, and then her eyes were on me.

And then everything else happened so fast I couldn't catch up in time. Scott had managed to jump up, and instead of pushin' Lilly out of the way like he should've done, the fucker was too drunk to realize that he had hit her instead of me.

A nice sucker punch to the back of the head.

Now, had I been fast enough, I would've ripped the fucker's head off. But Lilly was far quicker than I was at the moment.

I ain't never seen that look on her face before.

I never want to see it again.

It was just a look of pure hatred, and she rounded on him and gave him a swift punch in the face. Then nailed 'em right in the nads with her kneecap.

Needless to say, Scott was down for the count.

I was proud of her. Never seen her move that fast in my entire life.

But before anyone had time to really grasp what just happened, her hand was on my wrist and she was tugging me away again. Leadin' me to God knows where. But the adrenaline was slowly starting to go away. I could already start to feel the blood on my forehead and the pain in my jaw and shoulder.

"Uhh… Lil…" I managed to mutter, immediately regretting it though 'cause my jaw started to feel like it was on fire.

"Shhh.. Don't say anything." She whispered, taking my hand this time and pulling me a little closer. I was too messed up to really think about what was goin' on, but I followed her regardless. 'Cause no matter what I say I'd trust the girl with my life. I knew I was in good hands.

"We're almost there Butch, hang on." And I listened to her voice, the only thing that was holding me in place right now as my body felt like it was givin' out.

We were twistin' down some more corridors and I was starting to get dizzy. I fell backwards a little, and Lilly guided my arm over her shoulder to anchor me to her. God, I never felt this horrible in my life.

"Where we goin'?" I asked again, trying to get answers out of her. I didn't know where I was or what was goin' to happen. Too many thoughts were buzzin' around in my head and I was tryin' so hard not to pass out right there and bring her down with me.

"Just stay with me for a few more minutes Butch, please."

She said please…

To _me_…

That one word gave me the strength to keep my head up. My eye was swollen and it was hard to see outta it, but after she said that I was able to put some of the weight back onto my legs as she led us up the flights of stairs to the other decks. I wasn't feelin' too hot, and after the second set of them I wound up doublin' over and puking down the stairwell. She didn't say nothin', just let me do what I had to and then kept pushin' me on.

When we finally made it up the last flight up steps, I was pantin' like crazy. There was no way I'd be able to make it any farther. I could feel pain everywhere.

"L..Lil.. I can't. I."

"You can do it Butch, I've got you."

"But, it's too much. There's too many things."

"You're not making any sense. Just shut up and let me lead you."

"Man.. Lil… Lil. Fug'oo."

"Butch, don't try to curse me out. You have no idea where you are right now." I bet you she was smirking right now, trying hard not ta laugh at the state I was in. I couldn't feel my lips now, and I knew I was leaning too heavily on her. Of course she would try to make me angry and get me to keep goin'. She knew that was the only way to do it- so this way I'd keep goin'. She knew how stubborn I was. Damn her.

When we finally managed to get to where we were goin', she propped me up against the wall and started searching in her pockets for somethin'. I was going to try and ask her a question, but my jaw hurt too fuckin' much to move it. So, I just sat there waiting for her. After a good five minutes and a few curses she managed to get the door open. Then came time for her to prop me back up against her so we could make it through the damn door.

Dogmeat was there, I smelled him before I saw 'im.

Then there was a flash of black fur and I felt my head crack against the ground. I was out like a light.

Guess she didn't have me as good as she said she did… Of course.

* * *

The light was so fuckin' bright. Ugh, it was givin' me a headache already and my eyes were closed. At least, I think they were. I couldn't feel anything at all and where ever I was, it definitely didn't feel like my lumpy old mattress.

"Teh Fugg"

That didn't sound like my voice. But, Goddamn my jaw was hurtin'. I tried to move it around, but wound up making something crack. So, instead I sat there and just groaned for a good five minutes until I felt something cold over my eyes.

"Teh fuggs gooin awn" I tried gettin' up, tryin'a inspect my surroundings and shit but something was holding me back. The cold thing on my eyes was pressed on tighter and I moaned in pain.

"You're an idiot. Do you know that?"

Was that Lilly's voice in my ear? Why'd she sound so upset?

"Rill?" That definitely wasn't what I meant to say, but I guess I just wasn't able to talk at all without the pain in my jaw comin' back. Still, I wanted to ask her so many damn questions.

What the hell was she doin' in my room?

Why couldn't I talk?

And why does it feel like I got pounded around by a giant super mutant?

"Yes, It's me Butch… Don't try to talk please, you got really hurt. I was afraid you weren't going to wake up…"

She was sad I wasn't goin' to wake up? That was new to me. Usually she'd be happy about that.

Bits and pieces of the night were floating around in my head. They were fuzzy, but I could still make out some parts. I remembered hittin' Scott in the fuckin' face and then Lilly getting into the scuffle. I didn't like that. My anger came back after that.

"'ere is ta fuggin bish ah? Owl fuggin keel em."

"Yes, you'll get him later. I don't give a fuck about him right now, you need to shut your damn mouth before I stitch your lips together."

Someone wasn't in a very good mood. I tried to bring my hand up to feel my face, but Lilly's hand covered mine instantly and brought it back down on the side of the bed. That wasn't a good sign.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was last night? Besides the fact that you had the nerve to fight someone. While incapacitated. And then you fell and… You have a lot of meds in you right now. And you better thank me when you get better, because you look like hell right now. If it weren't for me, you'd be knee deep in caps right now, Butch."

There was a long pause of silence. I could feel Lilly adjusting herself on the bed. I fell? That must've explained why I felt so out of it. And the fighting. I guess that's why my jaw feels like ass. If I wasn't so goddamn wasted I bet you I would've walked away from that fight with nothin' but a few punches. But, I wasn't gonna go and tell her that right now. She didn't seem like she was in the mood to hear my bullshit.

"Thanks to what my father taught me, you should be healed up in a few days…"

Yeah, I had a lot to thank that man for. Not just for what Lilly was doin' for me now, but for bringin' her into the world into the first place.

There was a lot of things I wanted to add to that, maybe even tell her how happy I was that she was here. Even though it meant that I was in a lotta pain right now, I was still thankful that the fight brought her back to me.

I tried to form the words, but she must've been watchin' my face cause she brought her hand up to cover my mouth. I groaned, she took her hand away immediately.

"Stop trying to talk for once. I know you love the sound of your own voice, but it's important now that you try and rest, please." She whispered to me.

There she went with that please again. I don't know why she was talking so low, but I liked the way it sounded. There was a weird whining noise from the corner of the room. I had to stop myself from trying to glance that way. It took me a little whiles ta remember that my eyes were covered anyway.

"Dogmeat says he's sorry for tackling you to the ground."

Another whine from the corner. God, if that wasn't the most pathetic Goddamn sound I ever heard.

"Fuggin Moot."

She made a whistling noise, and then there were clicking noises comin' closer. Another weight was added to the bed, and I knew from the moment I smelt it that it was the damn dog. He made that wimpy whinin' noise again and then there was wetness on my hand. Ew, it licked me.

"See… He's apologizing." I could hear the poutiness in her voice. Goddamn it all to hell this girl would be the death of me.

It kinda felt weird at first, but then warm. And, I guess I never really told nobody this or nothin' since it was pretty much impossible, but I had always wanted a dog. Course, bein' in the vault and all made it damn near impossible. But, I guess the mutt was okay…

I lifted my hand on his head and gave him a nice pat. Lilly was taking the cloth off my eyes and then switched it over towards the other side. It was a lot colder on that side, but I guess she was try'na get the swelling in my eyes to go down. She was so damn smart. After a few minutes of her pressing it gently on my eyes, I felt her body tense, like she was getting ready to get up. And as much as I hate to realize I did this, I guess that weird little part of me made my hand feel hers out on the bed. I put my hand over Lilly's, hoping she'd get the hint to stay.

"But.. Butch, you need-"

I was tired of hearin' her talk at me. I knew damn well what I had gotten myself into. Didn't need her to go around fussin' over me like a damn mother hen.

"Don't." I managed to garble out, even though my voice sounded like Gob's at the moment. All grainy and gravely 'n shit.

At least that one word came out right.

"But-"

I squeezed her hand harder underneath mine. Wishin' she'd just shut up already.

I heard her groan, then she started adjustin' her weight on the bed. I wanted to move over to give her some more room but the mutt was in the way. She was just about to give up and get up, but I managed to get my arm behind her back and pull her down. Her body touched my side and I could tell she was probably squeezed into the wall, but I felt this weird tingly feeling shoot down my back.

"I don't want to hurt you, your sides all bruised up. And I'm not sure but I think one of your ribs might be bruised too, along wi-"

It was my turn to shut her up with my hand. Didn't need her going all medical nerd on me. She must've took the hint or somethin' cause she stopped talking with a huff. I started to pull her back down again and she got herself comfortable between my side and the wall. The mutt must've gotten booted off the side, 'cause I felt him start to move over top of my legs and settle there. It gave me a chance to move over some and give Lilly some more room.

"If you grope me at all, I will punch you in the testicles."

I groaned loudly, but she must've accepted that as a response. Fuckin' women. I was in no condition to do anything to her at all. She knew that.

Before I even had the opportunity to start to get angry, I felt a tiny hand inside of my palm. I closed my fingers around it slowly, wishin' I could just open up my goddamn eyes and make all of this easier on both of us. Or, if I was able to at least say somethin' it would make much more of a difference. But I couldn't. So, I had to rely on my other senses to help me out, and I was hopin' that she was feelin' that weird tingly feelin' now too.

That weird part of me was starting to over take the sane part. I could already feel the smile forming on my face when her fingers wove through mine. It was weird though, 'cause I never really held a girl's hand before. Never really felt nothin' for anyone to do that. But... It felt nice…

And, call me crazy. Shit, I must be crazier than ever, but.. I wasn't goin' to deny nothin' any more. There was no use. I was happy Lilly was here with me. Those dreams I've been havin', and the way I'd think about her all the time drove me insane. Denying it was stupid, I should've known better. 'Cause somewhere along the lines of tryin' to apologize to her, waitin' around to find her, I guess I actually started to feel somethin' for her. And the more I went and denied it, the bigger it got until… This.

I don't think I'd ever felt like I belonged somewheres before. And I don't care if it sounds girly, or stupid. 'Cause right now, there's really no place else I'd rather be. I just really hoped that she felt the same way… If she didn't… Well, I wouldn't really know what to do after that.

I felt her snuggle into my side.

All my doubts went away after that.


End file.
